July 22, 2014

Royal Babies R Us

The world is a mess. Thousands of child refugees are waiting to be made U.S. citizens or exported. Planes are getting shot out of the sky. Hundreds are being massacred in the Middle East. Jim Fucking Rockford died. And, of course, the Kansas City Royals continue to fall in the standings.

But guess what?

None of that matters.

Why?

BECAUSE TODAY IS THE ROYAL BABY'S FIRST BIRTHDAY!
 
And we have an EXCLUSIVE picture of Baby Prince George.

I know what you're thinking: 

How in the hell did Royales with Cheese, the dumbest blog to ever blog, get a picture of the future King of England?

The excitement, as they say, is palpable.

 SQUEE!

Here it is, an RWC Exclusive:


What a handsome young lad!

He'll make a great king someday, I'm sure of it.

Anywho, all this hoopla over some dumb baby that didn't do anything other than be born to a couple of rich assholes got me to thinking.

 What did some of our favorite Royals ballplayers look like when they were young?

Well, I just happen to have a few pictures.

Time for our second edition of Royals Portrait Studio! These are real photos of the players in question.

First up, former Royals rookie sensation third baseman in 1987 and unjustly fired hitting coach in 2012, Kevin Seitzer:
Showing off the defensive prowess that led to a .949 fielding percentage in his career.


Here's what outfielder Michael Tucker looked like as a kid:
Now we know where the bug eyes came from-- he stopped wearing his glasses.


Next, we have the Royals All-Time Saves Leader and current KC broadcaster, Jeff Montgomery:
Check out those ears. Nothing a mullet can't fix.


This outfielder hit 31 home runs for the Royals in 1991, and even participated in the Home Run Derby at the All-Star Game that year. That's right, I'm talking about Danny Tartabull:
He had a badass swing, even as a kid.


Next is David Letterman's favorite shortstop, Buddy Biancalana:
Preparing his dog for a Stupid Pet Trick, no doubt.


How about Royals workhorse starting pitcher and current Angels color guy Mark Gubicza?
Jumper? Check. Black socks? Check. Straddling a weird toy truck with a pre-Mario-Brothers Mario?! 
Check mate.


And finally, current Royals first baseman and former fat kid, Eric Hosmer:
Proof that even the most Eric Cartman of kids has a chance of being a professional baseball player. BEEFCAKE!


Go Royal Babies! You're the Best!

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