Good morning! The Royals continued their tailspin last night, losing to the powerhouse that is the Houston Astros. This was following a three-game sweep by the Oakland A's.
Obviously, something needs done. Whether it's firing Ned Yost, ritualistically sacrificing Sluggerrr, or trading for an actual first, second, or third baseman, the Royals cannot continue this freefall.
Luckily, the Royals Museum of Art is doing its part. Last year, Kauffman Stadium added a new wing to the Hall of Fame, a series of commissioned works of art that were all things Royal. We're talking Billy Butler nipplage, Frank White with his can of Pepsi Max, Jeff Francoeur as Napoleon, and more. But none of those compare to the first piece added this season...
A Mandala of the Royals Family.
What's a mandala?
It's a work of art used by Hindus and Buddhists to aid in meditation.
And if any team needs to meditate on some shit, it's these Royals.
Luckily, a middle-aged New Age Holistic veterinary healer named Crystal Offenbach from Belle Fourche, SD, has studied dozens of mandalas on Google Image search, and she broke out her colored pencils to create this beauty:
The Chain of the Royals System, 14" by 14".
Catchy title, Crystal. I would have called it Royals System of a Down, but I'm a goddamn wordsmith.
Viewers of this image are probably trying to figure out what all the different segments of this mandala represent. They're all teams that have ties to the Royals somehow. Most are minor league teams of past and present (some different segments have the same teams with different names and some have different teams with the same names), but a couple are previous Kansas City franchises as well.
Go ahead and rack your brain on this for a half hour or so while you should be working.
Or, if you're a lazy S.O.B., we have a numbered map to help.
You can see the answers to the key in the comments of this post.
Go Numbered Keys! You're the Best!