April 27, 2006

There's A Tear In My Beer: A rant on baseball loyalty

Twenty games in and the Royals are ten games under .500.

That's 5-15.

They are on pace to go about 41-121.

It's only April 27th and already this is what your average Royals fan looks like:

Aah, Malt Liquour.

Eases the pain.

But for one fan, booze isn't enough.

Some jackass has put his loyalty to the Kansas City Royals on eBay.

And he's getting some bids. $66.05 and counting.

Okay, forget that he's selling an abstract concept like loyalty. He throws in some tangible things that prevent this auction from being just an easy cash-in. That's right. You get a signed Willie Wilson bat, signed balls by Angel Berroa, Mike Sweeney, and Bob "The Hammer" Hamelin, a Royals jersey with no name on the back and something he calls "a Mike Sweeney Macfarlane." Not quite sure what that last one is. Maybe an IF THEY MATED CONCEPT for Conan O'Brien.

I dunno. $66.05 seems pretty cheap to give up 25 years of affection for a team.

Hell, the average marriage doesn't last half that long. And this dude is just gonna move onto another team? I don't care if they've treated you bad. I don't care if they've teased you and made you feel like an idiot in front of your friends and you've got more bad memories than good. I don't care if you think this is an unhealthy relationship. If you think the magic is never coming back. If you have problems remembering when there was magic. A baseball team is a lifelong commitment. If you're saddled with the Royals, you're saddled with the Royals. Til Death Do You Part. Shit, you should get a tax break if you're married to a team like this.

And don't deny it. You'll never be able to cheer for the Rangers or Mets or Mariners in the same way.

So just embrace it. Remember the allure. Find the good things. Laugh at the bad things. Think of the future. Because it can never be as bad as you think it is. And when it does become good, and you have to imagine that at some point, before you die, it will be good again, then it will make it that much better that you've endured the rough times.

So I say, grab a bottle of booze. Feed the ulcer. Watch every game, every out, every missed opportunity and blown save and baserunning error and blowout loss and just enjoy it for what it is... your favorite ballclub.

Enjoy the wins sprinkled here and there. The future's bright my friends. And the past was bright, too. And the present, it'll be brighter when you look back on it. Because you watched it and lived it and it was your summer.

That being said, KC needs to shitcan Mark Teahen and Doug Mientkiewicz immediately, get Esteban German more playing time, teach Emil Brown some D, trade Joe Mays to the Chunichi Dragons for as much Yen as they can get, sell the team to an owner who gives a damn, get Buddy Bell to set a consistent lineup and, well, there's about fifteen other suggestions I have.

Hey, I never said you couldn't bitch about the team while you enjoy the game.

I just said loyalty is where it's at.

Now, back to the bottle.

1 comment:

  1. That was awfully inspiring. Is that King Cobra malt liquor? Methinks yes.


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