May 19, 2006

1-70 Series in Glorious 8-Bit Color: Game Two


This game had blowout written all over it from the start. Let's begin with the five-run first inning where the 8-bit Royals had six hits, including three triples and a double.

Hernandez followed with a 1-2-3 inning, including a strikeout of Pujols.

Then in the second, things got interesting. Sweeney singled. Then Sanders hit into a fielder's choice when he beat the double play throw. Mientkiewicz followed by grounding to first, where Pujols fielded and threw to second to start another double play. But nobody covered first on the throw back, allowing Minky to take second.

Mark Teahen then hit a shot up the middle and Mientkiewicz scored on the standup RBI triple. The FOURTH triple of the game.

Royals 7, Cardinals 0 after two innings.

And Hernandez, despite that bloated 5.52 ERA, was pitching very well, with five strikeouts in those first two innings.

Above: A nasty cutter for strike three on Larry Bigbie ended the 2nd inning.

Hernandez struck out the side again in the third, meaning he had 8 K's through 9 batters. And a no-hitter going.

And the rest of the Royals bats kept on hitting. Another triple here. A pair of doubles there. A two-run homer by Mientkiewicz. Dougie hitting one out?! Now I know the game isn't realistic.

Following that two run bomb, Fat Elvys waddled up to the plate and popped out to second on a diving play by Spivey to end the inning.

WOW, look at that play. Web Gem nominee, at least.

In the bottom of the inning, Spivey led off. How often do you see a guy make a great play and then lead off the next inning. Well, since there are nine batters, about 11% of the time, genius. Anyway, it didn't matter because he struck out on three pitches. But Fat Elvys' no-hitter was soon broken up by a Pujols triple. Hernandez stranded him at third base when he struck out Scott Rolen to end the inning. Rolen, of course, became invisible when he swung and missed:

In the fifth, the Royals didn't score. Why? Because I paused the game to take a piss and when I came back, I saw that Mulder had struck out the side. What kind of BS is that?!? Why have you forsaken me, pause button?

Despite his 11 strikeouts, Hernandez's fat ass was getting tired. He gave up a run in the fifth before leaving in the sixth for a pinch hitter. He left the game with the Royals up 13-1.

MacDougal came in to pitch, as I'd seen what Burgos and Elarton were capable (or incapable) of doing in yesterday's game.

Of course, the Cards immediately scored. It all started when Mientkiewicz fielded a grounder to first, and for no apparent reason, threw the ball into the freaking stands.

That's why Mientkiewicz won a gold glove, folks.

Royals 13, Cards 2. No outs, runner on third.

But, MacDougal followed that disaster with a monster strikeout of Pujols.

Then, Rolen pulled through with an RBI single. Royals 13, Cards 3. I wish the ten-run rule had gone into effect. Redbirds Rally in Progress.

Until Doogie struck out Edmonds. What, can he only pitch well to every other batter? Apparently. Bigbie got a single and then Spivey flew out to end the inning. Redbird Rally stymied.

Grudzielanek knocked in DeJesus in the next inning to gave the 8-bit Royals the 11 run lead.

In the seventh, So Taguchi pinch hit for Mulder. Don't ask me what the hell he was still doing pitching after giving up 14 runs. Taguchi popped out and MacDougal struck out the next two batters.

Isringhausen came in and delivered a 1-2-3 8th for the Cards.

In the ninth, though, the 8-bit Royals wanted to make a point. They had been embarrassed yesterday. They stepped up with three triples, two doubles, and 6 runs. The inning ended with the Royals up 20-3.

Burgos came in to close out the game. Would the Cards score 17 runs and send the game to extra innings?

Anything is possible with Ambiorix Burgos out there. His 8-bit version may be worse than he is in real life. Within moments, the 8-bit Cardinals loaded the bases with no outs.

Luckily, they were out of pinch hitters, so Looper had to bat. Still, he got an RBI groundout. Then, Eckstein flew out to Sanders, who gunned down the runner trying to score from third. And just like that, Game Over. Crazy, crazy ending.

And here is the headline of the next morning's Tengen Sports News:

Just look at those totals.

Tune in tomorrow to see who takes the series in the final game of the 8-bit 1-70 Series.

Go Kan City! You're the best!

(I'm the only person entertained by these posts, aren't I?)


  1. Anonymous2:15 PM

    trust me. you are not the only one entertained. this shit is genius.

  2. Anonymous3:08 PM

    I'm loving it. Go Royals. You must win game 3!

  3. Anonymous3:59 PM

    I guess this is what happens when you don't have a Ryan, Ben, or Drew to occupy your 40 fridays.

    Jeeze Man!

  4. Anonymous4:06 PM

    I have a great feeling that the Royals will dominate game 3. I think this will happen only because of your RBI skills and not the actual talent of the players. I can only wish that we'll win at least one game against the cards...but we will see.

  5. What about me? I wasn't an important part of 40 Fridays? Just because I didn't threaten people with my pocket knives, make constant homo-curious comments or drop my forties on the floor, doesn't mean I wasn't there.

    Plus, I am the god of RBI baseball.

  6. Anonymous4:10 PM

    What's with the word verification? Did I just buy 40 copies of the 2006 Royals yearbook?

    I hope so.

  7. Anonymous4:26 PM ae not the only one entertained by this. This is one of the best things I have seen in a while!

  8. I was so excited for today's game and I was not disappointed. I'm always pulling for the Royals, but I was not expecting a 20 to 4 win. But such is the magic of RBI baseball. I think I'd rather read about RBI baseball games than watch the actual Royals. By the way, my word verification: wigwep.


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