May 15, 2006

Sign Sign Everywhere a Sign

The Royals game against Cleveland (the team that accounts for 50% of KC's victories) was postponed because of rain.

So, instead of watching the game on my MLB.TV, I've been sitting on the couch drinking Icehouse and watching episodes of DuckTales on DVD.
 
You heard me.

DuckTales.

What?

Go to Hell.

That Launchpad McQuack really cracks my shit up.

Anyway, let's have a blog entry already, shall we?

I decided to put to use my college education (nothing impressive, it was a state university) and analyze the signatures of some current Royals. Here goes:

John Buck:



Analysis: His signature seems to say, "Why don't I play any day games? Give me just one. Just one, dammit."


Mike Sweeney:



Analysis: His signature seems to say, "Ow, my friggin' back! I mean, uh, flippin'... sorry, God. I'm flippin' sorry. I... I love you, God."


Matt Stairs:



Analysis: His signature seems to say, "I'm fat. I'm hairy. I'm Canadian. I should've played Hockey."


Emil Brown:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "One year wonder? Well, it could've been worse."


Angel Berroa:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "One year wonder? Could it get any worse?" and "I can't tell the difference between balls and strikes."


Mark Teahen:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "God, I'd give anything to be a one year wonder."


Justin Huber:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "My ass hurts from sitting on the bench."


Doug Mientkiewicz:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying: "Even I don't know how the hell to spell my name."


Scott Elarton:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "Hey, with a little run support... I could be Paul Byrd!"


Reggie Sanders:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "Why the hell did I sign with Kansas City?!?!"

 
Mark Grudzielanek:



His signature seems to be saying, "Why the HELL did I sign with Kansas City?!?!"

 
Paul Bako:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "I will do anything to continue playing for the Royals. And I mean ANYTHING."


Buddy Bell:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T! I mean, er, S-M-A-R-T! Oh hell, Dougie struck out again."


David DeJesus:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "No Hammy, No Hammy, No Hammy... STOP!"


Joel Peralta:



Analysis: His signature seems to be saying, "Yeah, even I don't know who the hell I am."

So there ya go.

The Royals suck.

And their signatures prove that they know it.

GO ROYALS!

Five more wins and they get a free toaster oven!

1 comment:

  1. Allen8:07 AM

    Nice work...if nothing else, Allard is a good salesman if he convinced Grud and Sanders to sign with KC.

    ReplyDelete

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