June 3, 2006

Match Game '06

Gene Rayburn: Welcome back to Match Game '06. Today we have a special edition about the Kansas City Royals. Let's get right into the game, shall we?

Audience: [APPLAUSE]

Gene Rayburn: Okay, Judy, it's your turn. "Royals games are so boring..."

Audience: HOW BORING ARE THEY?



Gene Rayburn: Thank you audience. Ahem, "Royals games are so boring that the only way their fans can watch is to have [BLANK] on the brain."

Audience: HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!

Theme Music: Wownt chica achica chica chica wownt chica achica chicha chica wownt chica....

Gene Rayburn: Everyone has their answers locked in? Wow, that was fast. Alrighty, Judy, I'll read the question once again and then you'll give me your answer. Here we go... "Royals games are so boring that the only way their fans can watch is to have [BLANK] on the brain."



Judy: Umm... Boobs?

Audience: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!

Gene Rayburn: Wow. What a rotten answer. But you never know with this panel. Let's start with David Glass. David, what did you come up with?



David Glass: Well, I went with "The Future."

Producers: [BUZZ]

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Gene Rayburn: Ah, Mr. Glass. You've been saying that since you bought the team.

David Glass: Maybe I should've said Dayton Moore.

Audience: [APPLAUSE]

Gene Rayburn: I think the audience agrees. Let's move onto David DeJesus. David, what did you say Royals fans have on the brain... uh, rather than the game?



David DeJesus: Nanoo, nanoo. Shazbutt. Look, I'm Crazy Markers in His Ears Guy! I've got markers in my damn ears! Isn't that... Cuh-razy?!! Now give me some candy!

Audience: .....

Gene Rayburn: Okay David, let's have your answer.

David DeJesus: Yeah, that's the ticket! SHOW ME THE MONEY! Don't have a cow, man! I ...like ...to eat ...the peanut butter... first!

Gene Rayburn: Let's just count this as a match and move on, shall we?



Producers: [DING]

Gene Rayburn: Alright, one match. Let's move onto--

David DeJesus: Did I do that?!?!

Gene Rayburn: Aw jeez, no Urkel. Just... please. Enough. Okay, let's move onto Charles Nelson Reilly. Charles, your answer please.



Producers: [BUZZ]

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Charles Nelson Reilly: Oh, boo yourself.

Gene Rayburn: I dunno. I like that one. Bird doodie on the brain. Okay, moving on. Jeremy Affeldt, what did you come up with?




Producers: [DING]



Gene Rayburn: Well done. Jeremy obviously has JUDY'S BOOBS on the brain!

Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAA! ROFLMAO LOLERZ!!111!!!11!!1!



Gene Rayburn: Alright, that's two matches. George Brett, what did you write down?

George Brett: Well, I thought long and hard about this answer.

Gene Rayburn: Yes, and what did you come up with?

George Brett: I'm a little embarrassed.

Gene Rayburn: Let's see...

George Brett: Well, I answered--



Producers: [BUZZ]

Gene Rayburn: Wow. That's topical.

Audience: [VOMITS]

Gene Rayburn: Alright, two so far, and we'll go to Angel and Lester. What did you two knuckleheads come up with?




Angel Berroa: Well, Lester and I had an extensive discussion and came to the conclusion that--

Lester: Lambchop is a bitch.

Angel Berroa: Lester... please. Children could be watching.

Lester: You've got your hand up my ass and you're talking to me about inappropriate behavior?

Angel Berroa: Wait. This is... er, I, uh, don't speak English. Yeah. No habla Englais.

Lester: Oh, he speaks it, alright.

Angel Berroa: Donde esta de biblioteka?

Lester: Gene, we answered "Boobs."

Producers: [DING]

Angel Berroa: Lester!

Gene Rayburn: Three matches! Nice job, panel.

Audience: [APPLAUSE]

Gene Rayburn: Didn't I die, like, seven years ago?

Me: Go Royals! You're the best!

You: Never blog drunk again!

Audience: [APPLAUSE]

5 comments:

  1. Keep the good stuff comin'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's outstanding!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous11:01 PM

    Wow, what a post. Haha.

    This blog's whimsical attitude towards the Royals is quite refreshing (that animated pic. of German getting whacked in the face is hilarious).

    Tom, State of the Sceptre.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Monica Gerber8:57 AM

    I JUST LOVE GENE RAYBURN A WHOLE BUNCH AND HE WAS ALWAYS COOL AND HANDSOME BUT ITS JUST VERY VERY SAD THAT HE DIED FROM A CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE AND I GUEST HE WAS AN OLD MAN AND I WATCH MATCH GAME WHEN IT COMES ON AT FIVE O CLOCK AND FIVE THIRTY AND THEY ARE ALWAYS SILLY AND I LOVE ALL THE STARS ON MATCH GAME AND I WATCH GENE RAYBURN ON MATCH GAME AND ON PASSWORD PLUS AND THAT WILL KEEP HIS WORK ALIVE BUT I WISH THAT HIS LIFE WILL STILL GO ON AND HE WAS IN A FUNERAL HOME AND HE HAD A VERY VERY SAD FUNERAL SERVICE AND NOW HE IS GONE AND I HOPE THAT HIS DAUGHTER LYNN RAYBURN IS DOING OKAY WITH HER FAMILY BUT IM SURE SHE MISSES HER PARENTS GENE AND HELLEN AND I HOPE THAT LYNN RAYBURN HAS A FAMILY AND ITS VERY VERY SAD THAT HELLEN RAYBURN DIED TOO AND SHE WAS ALWAYS PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL AND IM SURE SHE WOULD KNOW THAT I WATCH HER HUSBAND ON MY TV AND I GOT PICTURES OF GENE RAYBURN AND GENE RAYBURN LOOKS COOL AND HANDSOME IN MY PICTURES OF HIM AND I LOVE AIRPLANES AND JET PLANES BECAUSE I THINK THEY ARE SO COOL IN MY PICTURES AND I GUEST THAT GENE RAYBURN LIVED A GOOD LONG LIFE UNTIL THE END THAT HE IS IN OUR HEARTS AND I WILL KEEP HIS WORK ALIVE AND IF HIS LIFE COULD STILL GO ON THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC AND THEN EVERBODY WILL BE SO HAPPY AND I JUST LOVE MATCH GAME BECAUSE ITS A FANTASTIC SHOW WITH ALL THE SILLY STARS AND I LOVE ALL OF THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS SILLY WHEN THEY START LAUGHING AND THATS WHY I LOVE THEM ALL

    ReplyDelete
  5. Monica, how would you like to come write for this website?

    ReplyDelete

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