August 20, 2006

Proof that the Royals aren't as lame as the Cubs


Family Circus loves the Cubs.

And even though it is a comic strip, Bil Keane still refuses to incorporate any comic element into the strip whatsoever.


Where the hell is the joke in the above panel?

Please tell me that it isn't Ma and Pa Family Circus realizing that the kids didn't need all of the expensive memorabilia when a pack of Orbit would have satisfied them...

Even so, that isn't really a joke, now is it?

That is all.

Go Royals! You're not the Cubs!

August 17, 2006

THUMP DAY: Random thoughts for a Thursday evening

(1) The Giants are all over the Chiefs tonight. Good to see KC still has a porous defense. Also, why the hell isn't the Kyle Turley helmet toss on YouTube? Someone get on that.
(2) Luke Hochevar got the start for the Burlington Bees last night. I have a feeling he's going to be an excellent pitcher.

Do you know why?

He's ugly.

In fact, he's fugly.

The man has a mullet. His ears make him look like a car driving down the street with its doors open. Whenever he pitches, his cheeks puff out and he squints like he's dropping a five-cornered deuce.


Look at Randy Johnson. Before he had to chop off those glorious locks for the Yankees, Randy was one of the greatest pitchers of all time. But if you saw him on the street, you'd turn and run in terror. He looks like a pedophile or a bad guy in a slasher movie.

And Hochevar has that same ugliness.

Which means big things for the Royals in a year or two.

(3) I'm glad that Adam Bernero got rid of his Abe Lincoln beard. It made him look an awful lot like Hans Klopek from The 'Burbs.

Don't get me wrong. The beard was ugly. And, as previously postulated, like six inches above this, ugly=awesome. However, Adam is ugly enough to be a decent pitcher with or without that thing on his face. Case in point: his last two starts. If he starts to struggle, I'll be the first to suggest he grow it back.

(4) Dougie Fresh isn't likely to return from the DL until September. Which means we must suffer through at least two more weeks of Mike Sweeney's delayed retirement. I love Mike and am sorry to see his career petering out the way it is, but when Mientkiewicz comes back you have to bench the captain in his favor. Mikey grounded into a double play to end the game today. He's been hovering around the Mendoza line before and since his injury. I hope he makes me eat my words and hits ten dingers in the next six weeks, but right now, it looks like his bad back has effectively snuffed out an amazing career.

(5) Mark Grudzielanek signed an extension through next year with an option for 2008. Which means Esteban German's shot at starting next year is, well, shot. Remember, Esteban, the Royals have ways of making you pronounce the letter "G."

(6) God, I hate Joe Buck.

(Royales with Cheese would like to point out that the above image of Mr. Buck is meant as a lampoon and is not meant to insinuate that he does, in fact, have scabies. We're pretty sure, unfortunately, that he doesn't. But if he did, we assume, he would scream "THAT'S DISGUSTING! THAT IS DISGUSTING!" So, it's parody. So it's protected. So there.)

And that's all for now.

Go Royals! You're the Best!

August 16, 2006

How Mark Teahen Got His Groove Back

A Theory.
In Pictures.

And Some Words.
But Mostly Pictures.

MAY 6, 2006:

Mark Teahen is sent to Omaha, where he undergoes a strange experiment.

JUNE 3, 2006:

He returns to Kansas City, not as Mark Teahen, but as...




That's right.

Mark Teahen is a freakin' robot.

And I think KC should do the same thing with Angel Berroa.

Go Robots! You're the Best!

August 4, 2006

Scott (Annoyed Grunt)mann

I know Ambiorix Burgos is the one who really screwed us out of the win tonight.

I don't care.

New acquisition Scott Dohmann sucked in the tenth and took the loss.

And this was just too easy:

Scott Dohmann will forevermore be referred to in this blog as Scott D'ohmann.

Sorry, my man.

I could've gone with the Poppin' Fresh Doughboy reference.

"Nothing says loving like something from the 'OH HELL, I'M A CRAPPY PITCHER.'"

But I really don't know which of the photoshops would've been more humiliating.

Just be thankful your name isn't Steel Mientkiewicz.

Go Royals! You're the Best!

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