Last night, the Royals lost their seventh straight game. They've been swept in more series than they haven't.
And last night was ridiculous. They built a five run lead on Cy Young winner, Chris Carpenter, only to piss it away. Spectacularly. After that debacle, I'm sure we're all ready to return to our 8-bit fantasy world. Here we go:
So, two days ago, I stupidly decided to start Elarton in Games One and Three. Hernandez dominated yesterday. Elarton pitched like dookie in Game One. Would it be a cop out for me to remove Elarton for Hernandez at the first sign of trouble? Probably. But it’s the Royals. They need all the help they can get.
The game started off with a DeJesus single. He immediately stole second to get into scoring position.
And he tripled!
Sanders followed with an RBI double. Matt Stairs struck out to end the inning, but the Royals were up by two after one half inning.
Time to see if I can control Elarton. First batter, Eckstein: single up the middle. Second batter, Encarnacion: Fielder’s choice. Third batter, Pujols: Double Play!
Well done, Scott. But your command still sucks.
The bottom of the Royals order went down 1-2-3 in the next inning. Surprise, surprise. Elarton doesn’t hit very well, either.
Fourth batter, Rolen: double down the right field line. Fifth batter,
Hernandez let two of the inherited runners score, but struck out Encarnacion to end the inning. Elarton’s final line: 1 inning, 6 hits, 2 runs. That’s an 18.00 ERA, but it could have been worse if he’d stayed in.
DeJesus led off the next inning with a double, but then was doubled off second when Grudz lines out to the shortstop.Emil Brown, of course, then popped out to end the inning.
Hernandez was looking good again, though. He struck out Pujols on three straight pitches to begin the third.
Sweeney led off the fourth with a jack to left center. Just like that it was Royals 3, Cards 2.
In the bottom of the inning, Larry Bigbie struck out for like the twelfth time in the series. He’s really been the whipping boy of the 8-bit 1-70 Series. Well, aside from Elarton.
In the fifth, the Cards replaced Carpenter with Mulder. This confused the hell out of me. Just the game before, Mulder had given up fourteen runs in seven innings before leaving the game. Today, Carpenter gave up three runs in four innings, and they brought in the guy that sucked ass the day before.
They would immediately pay for their stupidity. DeJesus led off the inning with a solo dong to right field. Then, after a Berroa double, Emil Brown hit one out.
Here. Judge for yourself:
Then Sweeney barely cleared the fence to make it back-to-back homers. And I began to think that the 8-bit Cards were purposely throwing the game. Those dirty bastards.
In any case, Royals 7, Cards 2.
Hernandez continued to pitch well. He hadn’t allowed a hit since coming into the game. In fact, he got an infield single in the sixth, meaning he had more hits than any of the batters he’d pitched to. Finally, with two outs in the seventh,
Poor, poor Bigbie. I can imagine the Royals trading for him after this sad performance.
Hernandez gave up a triple to Spivey to start the seventh inning. And after getting the next batter to pop out, the Cards pinch-hit So “Did you know your first name is an adverb?” Taguchi for Mulder.
Hernandez struck him out on a beautiful 50 mph fastball. Sure, Chubbs was getting tired. At least he was still getting K’s.
Izzy immediately gave up three straight doubles to Stairs, Teahen and Buck to make it 9-2. This brought Runelvys to the plate, so it was time for a pinch hitter. I decided to go with the lefty hitter, your favorite backup catcher and mine, Paul Bako.
Of course, he struck out on three pitches.
But then, DeJesus hit the fourth double of the inning. Royals 10, Cards 2.
In the bottom of the inning, MacDougal came in and struck out the side.
Stairs contributed a homer in the ninth to give KC an insurance run.
Maybe the most exciting thing in the game happened in the bottom of the ninth, as Doogie tried to close it out. That’s right, Larry Bigbie got his first hit of the game. A broken bat infield single that he narrowly beat out.
Shortly thereafter, Bigbie was tagged out trying to steal second.
Maybe it was Bigbie’s hit that did it, but Doogie looked lost out on the mound. He gave up two straight singles. And then, a three run homer by another Rudy-esque character, David Eckstein.
KAN CITY WINS! KAN CITY WINS!
Champions of the 8-bit 1-70 Series, your Kan City Royals.
What a great time to be a fan of a Nintendo Royals team. And what a horrible time to be a fan of an actual Royals team. Oh well, the 8-bitters in blue bounced back after a bad first game. Let's hope the 2-bit losers in blue can do the same.
Go 2-bit losers in blue! You're the best!