Consider this like a clip show of your favorite TV series. There is 12% new content in this edition of Royales With Cheese. The rest, you've already seen. But maybe you'll laugh again. Or maybe for the first time.
So let's flashback to some of our better moments, shall we:
Back on April 14th, we accused Alex Rodriguez of being a werewolf.
On April 19th, with the Royals in the midst of a ten game losing streak, we still boldly predicted a pennant win. As Royals fans, sometimes hope is all we have.
Of course, they'd need a little help from some Angels in the Outfield and a slap hitting chimpanzee (not Johnny Damon).
By April 27, less than a week later, KC was 5-15, and we were drinking heavily.
On May 10, we exposed the truth behind Buddy Bell and Paul Bako's relationship.
NEW CONTENT ALERT!!!!!
Recently, Paulie B. went down on the DL with a torn oblique.
Buddy Bell was visibly upset:
DID I MENTION THAT WAS NEW CONTENT?!?!?
Well, it was.
By May 25, we were suggesting promotions for the lackluster attendance at Kauffman Stadium, including, of course, JEREMY AFFELDT DANCE PARTY.
A week later, the most important moment of the season occurred. On May 31st, David Glass fired Allard Baird in favor of hotshot Braves Assistant GM, Dayton Moore.
In early June, former Royal Jason Grimsley was put in the pokey when he was caught with a buttload of Human Growth Hormone.
Then there was the time Aunt Bea wanted to beat Clara in a homemade pickle contest but we were all too afraid to tell her that her pickles tasted like kerosene.
Oh wait. That was an episode of The Andy Griffith Show.
In the middle of June, Dayton Moore started his own website, RoyalTrader.com. So far, his only trade has been of JP Howell, a player conspicuously missing from the site.
Something strange also happened in June. The Royals started winning. Soon, they were better than the '62 Mets. Then, they were better than the '06 Pirates. What a time to be a Royals fan!
And just a week ago, it came out that Johnny Damon is a pothead.
And then there was today, when I posted a bunch of crap I'd already posted.
And you read it.
To make it worth your while, I've got two bonus pieces of Royales With Cheese trivia.
(1) If you accidentally type in http://royaleswithcheese.blogpot.com/, you find a site entitled AMAZING BIBLE STUDIES. Check it out, heathens.
(2) Here are some Google searches unsuspecting websurfers have typed in, only to be led to this stupid blog:
“super crocodile mile”
“judy's boobs”"funky butt loving freddie mercury"
“jesus loves mike sweeney”
“doug mientkiewicz fan club”
“clippers stadium urinal”
"judy's boobs .com"
“what are some jedi mind tricks?”
“Scotty Too Hotty”
“matt stairs fat hairy canadian”
"I like to eat the peanut butter first"
“larry bigbie goes down”
"donnie sadler voodoo"
"Jason Whitlock morbidly obese"
“when did gene rayburn die?”
"Boobs" and "Judy"
"Go Royals! You're the Best!"