Duck, Duck, Busey

FRIDAY QUIZ TIME!!!

Can you tell the difference between Royals Pitcher Brandon Duckworth and Famous Actor/Insane in the Membrane Super Goof Gary Busey?!?!?

The answers appear at the end of the post.

(1)

(A) (B)

(2)

(A) (B)

(3)

(A) (B)

(4)

(A) (B)

(5)

(A) (B)

Have a great weekend!

Go Royals! You're the Best!

Whitlock and Hemingway have both written for the KC Star. Depressing, ain't it?

The Royals are threatening to have a winning record for the month of June. They are one game under .500 with two games remaining.

With the team playing relatively well, material for this blog hasn't been so easy to come by. Don't worry, that's a good thing. I hope that within the next two seasons, the Royals make it nearly impossible for me to do my stupid little jokes.

Luckily, I'll always have material with idiots like Jason Whitlock also writing about the team.

After mostly ignoring the Royals in his column for over a decade, Jason spent the last week hating on David Glass every day in a lame attempt to get his press credentials pulled.

He is the worst kind of sportswriter; the kind that puts himself in every story. Who makes the story about himself. Who piles on well after the piling on has ceased to be interesting or relevant. Who plays the race card. Who wants to get a regular gig on one of those stupid ESPN shows with the talking heads, but never will because he rarely says anything insightful. Which is pretty pathetic, considering none of those guys do, either.

As a sports-comedy blogger, I don't claim to be any better than Whitlock. You see, I'm the kind of writer who always goes for the cheap joke.

But who would you rather read?

I thought so.

So, time for me to makey-make with the cheap joke.

Jason Whitlock is morbidly obese and hasn't seen his own penis in fifteen years.

There ya go.

Oh, you want a picture to illustrate my point?

Is that what you want?



There ya go.

Now makey-make with the laughy-laughs.

(And feel free to make that your desktop background. I have.)

Unfortunately, the Royals official site isn't much better than Whitlock. Recently, they posted a bizarre article that continually tried to make connections between Doug Mientkiewicz and Ernest Hemingway, but really only got as far as saying, "they both dig fishing."


The article did provide this awesome nugget that I was unaware of, however:

Dougie's son is named Steel.

Steel Mientkiewicz.

Not nicknamed. Named named.

Guaranteeing he will grow up to be either a professional wrestler or a gay pornstar.

AND THE MIENTKIEWICZ LEGACY WILL LIVE ON!

Seriously, though, Dougie's been playing well lately. And Grudzielanek hasn't.

Meaning my mockery of twelve-lettered Royals infielders may soon shift in focus.

Eh, what the hell's the point?

If we're lucky, they'll both be traded for some decent prospects soon.

And I can continue photoshopping Whitlock's head onto fat, ugly, space-slugs for your entertainment.

Go Royals! You're the Best!

SIMPLY THE BEST!*

*Yes, this was an ironic title.


Obviously.


But, the Royals have won eight out of ten.


They have done this against the NL.


Therefore, the NL is terrible.


And therefore, the records in the NL are a bit skewed. Imagine the Cubs or Braves having to play the White Sox, Tigers, Yanks and Red Sox all season long. Would they have as good a record as our beloved Royals?


In all actuality, they probably wouldn't.


But, we'll never know.


However, what we do know is this...


The Royals are no longer the most pathetic team in all of baseball.


No, that dishonor would go to the Pirates.


They were swept by KC this past week.


It wasn't pretty.


And of course, as a fan who has had little to cheer about this season, I must offer this immature, lame taunt...


See Pirates.


See Pirates Suck.


Suck, Pirates, Suck!





Okay, I'm done.


The sad fact is, the Pirates are my favorite NL team.


But still...


For the first time this season, I feel pride in being a Royals fan.


Look out Cubbies.


You're next on the train to Inappropriate Tauntsville.


GO ROYALS! YOU'RE THE BEST!