I know, I know, I have gotten off to a truly horrible start this season when it comes to blogging. But to be fair, I've been writing/re-writing/defending my thesis and I just haven't had any time.
That all ends now. I am officially done with grad school after this weekend and I can put my full attention where it belongs: Royals baseball.
I've missed so many opportunities for hilarious posts. So allow me to completely misuse the entire purpose of the internet by posting old news as if it were really happening now!
Royals Reliever Joel Peralta was hospitalized for two days with a stomach virus. No, it wasn't the flu. JP admitted it was food poisoning from eating a cow's tail.
I can't blame him. Worst. Candy. Ever.
You mean he ate a real cow's tail?
One of these?
But I have a theory on why Joel Peralta ate something that is essentially a fly swatter ass attachment.
It's a sex thing. You know, like bathing in koala piss or snorting ground-up rhino horn.
You know how I know?
His Myspace Page.
Go ahead. Click on the link. You can come back and read the rest of this after you've looked at all of his animated gifs of stick figures screwing.
So I'll go ahead and state the obvious: dude is obsessed with diddling. Which can mean only one thing: dude probably doesn't get much diddling.
Which can only add to his stress since he's in the Royals bullpen.
What can he do? Hell, eating a cow's tail has to be easier than telling the ladies he plays for the Royals.
That come-on line hasn't been a valid aphrodisiac since the mid-80's. You know, when George Brett was dining on his own cow tail:
Where have you gone Morganna, the Kissing Bandit? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. (Woo woo woo.)
Go Royals! You're the Best!