May 30, 2007

Hapless Hapless, Joy Joy!

Check this out:

May 1, 2007 from the Washington Post: "Angels Drop Hapless Royals to 8-18"

May 2, 2007 from AHN: "Surging Angels Defeat Hapless Royals"

May 10, 2007 from CBC Sports: "Blue Jays Paste Hapless Royals"

May 12, 2007 from the Herald News: "Sox's Garland Shuts Down Hapless Royals"

May 30, 2007 from the AP: "Guthrie Pitches Orioles Past Hapless Royals"

And don't assume that this only happens when the Royals lose. Take a look at these headlines from last year when the Royals were abusing the Red Sox and Yankees:

August 9, 2006 from the Boston Herald: "Sox Woes Hit New Low: Lester Struggles In Loss To Hapless Royals"

May 27, 2006 from the AP: "Hapless Royals Tip Yankees"

"Hapless Royals" may just be one of the most overused phrases ever. However, other overused phrases like "Git 'er Done!" and "Lohan back in rehab" are eventually forced out of popular language by, well, I guess everyone just finally says a collective "enough" and they go away. But "Hapless Royals" has staying power. God forbid anyone in the media open a thesaurus to find another adjective. While you had to be annoyed by every random jackass in the world yelling "Show Me The Money!" for only six months, KC fans have been hearing/reading the phrase, "Hapless Royals," for well over a decade. In fact, this was the team's original logo:

So what am I saying?


Kansas City might as well change its name to "Hapless."

No, that's not it.

I'm saying, while you're dealing with this as a Royals fan, you might as well be playing an eight-bit video game where every player looks like a bulbous Playskool figurine.

That's right, I have created an RBI Baseball 2007 edition.

Why did I do it?

Because I was tired of waiting for someone else to do it.

So go ahead.

Download RBI Baseball 2K7. (Don't forget, you need an NES Emulator, such as Nestopia.)

Play that game. Forget the fact you cheer for the "Hapless Royals."

Use that keyboard and win games as the "Kan City Royals."

Before you know it, the real team will have won a game again.

I mean, come on, they play the Devil Rays the next four games.

And we've got Namor the Sub-Mariner on our side.

Oh wait, you mean Tony Pena, Jr. isn't actually a merman?

Too obscure?

Should have gone with the easy Spock joke, I suppose.

Go Hapless Royals! You're the Best!


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