April 16, 2007

Baby We Were Born to K

Alex Gordon is the future of the Royals. But if his first ten games are any indication, the Royals future is bleak. He's hitting .111 and has 14 strikeouts. He has struck out in every game he's played. He has two errors. He has been killing my fantasy team.

That said, the rest of the team isn't doing much better. Aside from David DeJesus, John Buck, Reggie Sanders, Ross Gload, and Esteban German (4 of those 5 guys are not everyday players, by the way), the offense is terrible. There isn't another player with an average over .231. Ryan Shealy looks like he spent his offseason forgetting how to tell a ball from a strike. Emil Brown, upset at less playing time, doesn't look like he deserves any. The team has over 100 strikeouts in two weeks.

It's too bad, because the pitching has been much much better than anyone expected. Zack Greinke is looking like an ace. Gil Meche has pitched well in 2 out of 3 starts. Even Jorge De La Rosa and Brandon Duckworth have had good starts. And Joakim Soria has been fantastic. If the Royals were sporting even an average offense, they'd be playing .500 ball right now.

That said, it isn't hopeless. Gordon will hit. The rest of the team will too. It just isn't possible for an entire lineup of guys to be hovering around the Mendoza line for too long. Nope, not even the Royals.

So for now, let's just celebrate Gordon and what little he's been able to produce:



Available for now as an EP. But by the end of the season, he'll have produced a box set. Guaranteed.

I know, I know, I should have made some sort of Springsteen/Gordon/Nebraska reference. Oh wait, does this count?

Go Royals! You're the Best! 
 
 

April 2, 2007

38 Excuses

SURPRISE!

Gil Meche... doesn't suck.

Tony Pena, Jr... doesn't suck.

John Buck... doesn't suck.

Curt Schilling... sucks.

You may have heard this, but Mr. Pitcher On The Original RBI Baseball Nintendo Game has his own blog.

It's called 38 Pitches.



Which is about what he threw in the first inning today.

ZING!

In his blog, he proves he is the master of fragment sentences. And typos. And shortening the word fastball to "FB." And that he doesn't know the difference between "there," "their" and "they're."

But I digress.

My favorite quote in that post: "A lengthy AB from Shealy, saw me go to the split 3-2 which he took for ball 4 to walk in a run. I can’t remember if I ever done that?"

I'm guessing you probably have, Curt. You're older than God, after all.

But again, I digress.

Question:

What's weirder than reading Curt Schilling give a recap that sounds an awful lot like a fan trying to update a message board in real time during a game and nothing like a pitcher actually talking about how he played?

Answer:

Reading the comments section of the post where fans stroke his ego that it's okay he sucked today.

But props to him for giving Meche and Kansas City fans credit. At least he owned up to his poor start. Although, he's always been this way at Kauffman Stadium. Last August, he tied an American League record by giving up 10 extra-base hits. Overall, he's 1-3 in Kansas City.

But really, I don't think this had anything to do with his trouble in KC. I don't think Curt was entirely honest. I think he should have just admitted the real reason why he was so ineffective today:

He was worried about who would win on the season finale of I Love New York. Yep, ol' Curt had money riding on a surprise reappearance of nose-picking Sox fan Mr. Boston.

That makes him 0-2 today. And a good bet to join Pete Rose in the Hall of Shame.

Hey, at least his bloody sock made it to Cooperstown.



Go Royals! 162-0! You're the Best!


March 26, 2007

¿Dos Tony Peñas? ¡Mierda!

Los Royals negoció para el hijo promedio del encargado anterior idiota Tony Peña.

Esto significa:

Adios, Ángel Maria!





¡Hola, Tony Francisco!





¡Ay chihuahua!





¡Vaya Royals! ¡Usted es el mejor!


March 19, 2007

Jazzed Up

So it's spring again, which means Royals fans are counting down the days until Mike Sweeney's next slipped disc. But Buddy and the Gang have limited Mike's activity this spring quite a lot.

And in what limited playing time Mike has seen so far, we have learned one, very important thing about how his style has changed. Long gone is the gritty catcher turned stiff first baseman turned flat-assed DH.

No, Mike Sweeney has become a finesse player.

One of style.



One of grace.



One of... uh... flamboyance?



One of... JAZZ HANDS!







GO ROYALS! YOU'RE THE BEST!

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