June 24, 2008

Now why don't he write?

Royales With Cheese is officially back from hiatus. I've missed a lot. From the terrifying lows of a twelve-game losing streak to the dizzying heights of winning eight of nine, including a three game sweep in St. Louis. Well, I haven't really missed them. I've been paying attention. I just didn't get a chance to write about them.

Too much of the past few weeks will join the pantheon of almost-posts I've failed to make over the last couple of years. So you'll never get to see the Jose Guillen-inspired parody of Muppet Babies about the Royals (trust me, it would have been much funnier than that Lil Bush crap on Comedy Central); or the ill-advised-but-I-was-really-planning-on-doing-it post likening Mike Aviles to the second coming of a certain religious savior, complete with a beautiful portrait of our favorite shortstop with an ominous glow and sunbeams emitting from his head (you know, because blasphemy can be pretty damn funny); or my post on the Brief and Frightening Reign of Jeff Fulchino, chock full of literary references to George Saunders (which I doubt anyone would have gotten).

And no, you'll never see the obligatory Angel Berroa "Shitcanned!" post, though if anyone deserved an obligatory "Shitcanned!" post, it was that dude.

You know what?

Screw it, let's do it anyway:

Ahh, I feel better.

Now I know that technically he was traded to the Dodgers, so he wasn't exactly shitcanned per se, but it feels good to see his head in the toilet.
But really, it's not like he was fired.

It's more like a dumb kid working at Wendy's. They don't want to fire him because his father-in-law is the drive thru guy. So they'll move him off the register to the fryer. And then when he sucks at that, they'll move him to bathroom clean-up. And then when he sucks at that, they'll move him to refilling the straws and napkins and emptying the trash.

And hey, he kicks ass at that job. He's the best straw and napkin refiller and trash emptier Wendy's has had in a long time. But they know he'll never be back with them at the fryer or register. It's okay, because he's pretty easy to ignore over there.

Then one day, out of the blue, the kid goes up to the boss and says 7/11 wants him for the graveyard shift. Working the register, putting hot dogs and burritos in the warmer, the whole shebang. Well, Wendy's doesn't hold anything against the kid, and it's a decent shot that they would have never given him, so they let him go.

They are positive he won't make 7/11 any better, and besides, the nearest one is 1600 miles away and the two places are rarely competing.

It really isn't that big of a deal. Wendy's can always get someone to take over the kid's old job. There's always another dumb kid.

In fact, this Tony Pena, Jr. would probably like to get some more hours.

And scene.


What the hell was all that? I think the analogy got away from me.

The point is...

Uh, what was my point?


The point is, don't be surprised if someday you see Angel Berroa working at a gas station, or Tony Pena, Jr. working at Wendy's.

You know...

because they suck.

Alright, that's it for today.

I don't want to overextend myself after being away for so long.

But don't worry.

I'll be back with a flurry of posts this week, including several featuring a certain baseball team playing another certain baseball team in beautiful 8-bit color.

Go Royals! You're the Best!


  1. The picture of that toilet looks alot like the time Stephanie Henthorn puked all over my bathroom after a canoe party. Sick!

  2. Diggity Dawg1:38 PM

    Enjoyed the Tony Wenda Jr pic in particular. Kudos!

  3. Anonymous2:48 PM

    Prolly just some foo that didn't need they edjucashun.

  4. mugstick74:29 PM

    What about the Ryan Lefebvre/ Milton Bradley incident? That kind of shit is a blogger's dream. Oh if only I could be blogger, and not just a blog reader.


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