July 6, 2009

My Life With The Freel Kill Kult

The Royals have finally done it.

They've made the move that will turn their season around.

That's right.

The Royals traded for....

wait for it...

Ryan "For Real" Freel!


I mean, seriously, the Royals best player right now is arguably Wee Willie Bloomquist.

I think a team of Willie Bloomquists or Willie Bloomquist-type players might be better than what we have right now.

Now, you might be against the trade. I can see your reasons now:

1) He sucks.

2) He's a drunk and a clubhouse malcontent.

3) He's a clubhouse malcontent and a drunk.

4) He parties with his agent.

5) He sucks.

But I disagree, and for one very solid, very logical reason.

Ryan Freel comes with his own imaginary midget friend.

From the Dayton Daily Who Gives a Shit What the Paper's Called It's a Dead Medium:

"He's a little guy who lives in my head who talks to me and I talk to him. That little midget in my head said, 'That was a great catch, Ryan,' I said, 'Hey, Farney, I don't know if that was you who really caught that ball, but that was pretty good if it was.' Everybody thinks I talk to myself, so I tell 'em I'm talking to Farney." Freel later said that Farney's name arose from a conversation with Reds trainer Mark Mann: "He actually made a comment like, 'How are the voices in your head?' We'd play around and finally this year he said, 'What's the guy's name?' I said, 'Let's call him Farney.' So now everybody's like, 'Run, Farney, run' or 'Let Farney hit today. You're not hitting very well.'"

That's right, a midget named Farney lives inside Freel's head.

So, this trade is like a two for one, or at least a one-and-half for one deal. Which makes it maybe one of the best trades the Royals have ever made.

I, for one, welcome Ryan Freel and his imaginary midget overlord. I believe this is just the thing that's going to turn the season around.

Save us Farney-wan Kenobi, you're our only hope!

Go Dum-Dum! You're the Best!


  1. Salvatore10:38 PM

    Only you would make a Thrill Kill Kult and Flintstones reference in the same post. Blog more often, damn it!

  2. Are you going to reference Dayton as KMFDM-GM from now on??


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