July 22, 2009

We don't need no education.


“There’s a lot that people don’t know. I’m not going to bang my head against the wall defending things I do or do not do in trying to educate the masses about things that, quite frankly, I can’t educate. There’s just too much.”
--Trey Hillman

And now, a rebuttal from Royales with Cheese:

I disagree, Trey. I'm not sure how your streak of losing games you shouldn't, of making dumbass game decisions, of generally being one of the most disappointing hires in team history, has failed to provide me with an adequate education of who you are, of what this team is, of how monumentally disappointing this season has been. You're terrible at your job.

Your team has won 19 of of their last 65 games.

19 of 65!

That's a 29% winning percentage.

You know what that means?

They have lost 46 of 65.

That's a 71% losing percentage.

That's disgusting. That's nearly pornographic.

Losing at that clip for the rest of the year will make this Royals team one of the worst in major league history. If you were a student, you would be failing spectacularly. If you were a President, you'd be compared unfavorably to Dubya and Hoover. If you were an actor, you'd be an extra in a Z-Grade straight-to-dvd Christian Slater movie. If you were a car, you'd be a Triumph TR-7. If you were twenty years younger, you'd be the brunette Spencer Pratt. If you were a state, you'd be New Jersey. And if you were a manager of any other baseball team in this country, including the local Parks and Rec team in the 5-to-6-year-old division, you'd be out on your ass.

You ARE bad at this job. This team IS bad.

How can you possibly "educate" fans otherwise?

Well, there's one way.

But that would take winning.

Good decisions.

And, again, WINNING.

OR SHIT, FORGET BEING A WINNING TEAM. HOW ABOUT GETTING WITHIN PISSING DISTANCE OF .500?

SERIOUSLY. YOU CAN'T LOSE 2/3 OF YOUR GAMES AND CALL EVERYONE ELSE STUPID. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. YOU ARE BAD AT YOUR JOB. WHETHER IT'S YOUR FAULT OR NOT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER. YOU ARE THE LEADER OF THIS TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE TEAM. JUST MAN UP AND ACCEPT THAT. YOU, YOU...***

***(I initially wrote a long string of curse words here accusing Hillman of all sorts of deviant, socio- and psychopathic behavior, but apparently I haven't drank quite enough to go ahead and publish the graphic vitriol that I, and probably you, have been thinking about Trey-Dog over the last few months. Perhaps we can take a moment here where you, the reader, can yell as many filthy things as you want at the computer screen-- it is quite liberating, I must confess).

Here are a couple staged PR photos of the #(%*@$*! hiding behind things that attempt to make him seem like a non-#(%*@$*!

You may commence yelling now:




 And, just for fairness' sake, here's an undoctored photo of Trey Hillman punching a puppy in the face:


Alright.

Stop yelling...

Now.

Feel better?

No?

Well, just remember there are only about ten more weeks of this bullshit left to endure... or ignore. Surely you can handle a shitty Royals team for that long (hell, most people have been ignoring or enduring one since the late 80s).

Sigh.

Before we go, we need to call out one more guy:

Dayton "Allard Baird Redux" Moore.



You don't get a free pass. By giving Trey a vote of confidence, you are sealing your own fate.

IN DAYTON WE TRUST SHIT OUR PANTS.

It's hard to recall the last good thing this guy did for the team... the bad trades, the dumb signings, and now this. To think, we hailed this dipshit as a savior when he came to KC.

He's not.

He's just another in a long string of guys who can't turn the Royals around. And it's almost worse this time because there were signs that things would be better. More money was spent. Effort was made in hiring personnel. Buddy Bell was even fired. But these past ten weeks have been some of the worst in Royals history. And the next ten, as previously mentioned, don't look promising.

But come on, there's always next year, right?

Oh wait, Hillman could be back. And Moore will probably sign/trade for another fitfteen exiled Mariners or Braves players before opening day next year.

And we will be right here again next year, for some reason wondering what went wrong, when really we should just suck it up and realize this team is destined to suck for the foreseeable future.

So it is written, so it shall be.

Can someone please explain to me why we Royals fans are always so damn optimistic when we have decades worth of evidence proving we should be committing mass suicide?

No?

We are one sick, twisted, masochistic group of people, aren't we?
 
Oh well.

Go Royals! You're the Best!

(at losing)

(and punching puppies in the face)


3 comments:

  1. Jack Karwoski1:34 PM

    Fuck you, man. I love Hillman.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I knew New Jersey, and Trey Hillman is no New Jersey.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Honestly, I didn't want to compare New Jersey unfavorably to Hillman. I should've gone with my gut instinct and picked on Delaware or North Dakota.

    ReplyDelete

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