May 20, 2010

What did one Indians Groundskeeper say to the other Indians Groundskeeper?

Five and two since the managerial change!

A sweep!

We'll ignore the fact that the Royals were playing two of the worst teams in the league. And we'll also ignore the fact that the sweep was only a two-game series.

Who cares?

Just bask in the wins.

Bask in the sudden competence of this team.

The Royals are out of last place.

And Trey Hillman isn't around to get a contract extension for the good week.

Thank God.

Go Royals! 137-25! You're the Best!

May 14, 2010

Better Know a Manager: Ned Yost

Welcome to the first installment of another series I will probably never continue after this initial post. That's right, Better Know A Manager!

First up, former Milwaukee Brewers skipper and current Royals Manager Ned Yost. He's a former catcher, playing six years in the majors for various clubs. He became acquainted with Dayton Moore during the 1990s when both worked for the Atlanta Braves. In 2003, Yost was given the opportunity to manage the moribund Brewers. Give or take a good year or two, Milwaukee had been near the bottom of the league since the mid-late 1980s (sound familiar?).

Yost completely changed the culture of the team, turning it into the post-season contender that we've seen for the last several years. Yost's exit from Milwaukee wasn't as illustrious as Hillman's from KC; in the midst of the 2008 playoff race, Yost was given his papers. The team went to the playoffs for the first time in over twenty-five years (sound familiar?), but without him.

Whether he will continue to be KC's manager next year may depend largely on how the the team performs over the remaining three-fourths of the season.

Alright, now that the background info is out of the way, let's have some fun. Let's get to know Ned Yost through a sampling of photos from his personal MySpace page.

See Ned:

 See Ned taking multiple pictures of himself in the mirror:

See Ned drink a beer and smoke a cigarette:

See Ned smoke a hookah:

See Ned play the evil T-1000 in the 1992 film Terminator 2: Judgment Day:

And finally:

See Ned drunk, nude and passed out on the toilet.


Who knew I had so much in common with a big league manager?

I almost always write this blog while drunk and nude on the toilet.

Royales with Cheese + Ned Yost = BFF!

Go Royals! You're the Yost!

May 13, 2010

Hillman's Reign of Terror is Over

Well that was quick. A couple of days after Moore told the media that Trey Hillman was the right man for the right job at the right time, he told Hillman to his face that he wasn't.

You know how pissed off I was in the post a couple of days ago? I feel the opposite. Some optimism has been restored. I know it's foolish to think we're contenders now (we aren't) but we're on the track back to respectability.

Royales with Cheese welcomes Ned Yost as the new manager of the Kansas City Royals. He's had some success as a manager in MLB, helping to make the Brewers relevant again. Here's hoping he can do the same for KC.

Go Royals! 139-23! You're the Best!

May 11, 2010

Hillman talks, Bullshit walks

“If you had told me at this point that we’d be 10 games under .500, I never would have believed it.” -- Trey Hillman


Dear Royals fans, are you surprised? Do you find this shocking? Can you come to grips with the fact that this is happening? The Royals are in last place? Not just ten games under .500, but also ten games off the leader in the division? Can you believe it? Can you? If you can't, I have some real estate you might be interested in. Larry Gura's house is still on the market. Hillman is an idiot if he thought this team wasn't capable of this record at this point.

Even more troubling:

“If you put a gun to my head and said point to one thing why you’re 10 games under .500-- we’re walking too many guys. That’s the bottom line.” -- Trey Hillman

The Royals pitchers are averaging over four walks a game, yes, but that isn't the one thing that points to why the Royals are ten games under .500. Hillman needs to get his head out of his ass and stop distilling this organization's issues down to one problem. The walks are certainly a problem, but it's one of many, many, many problems. And fixing the walks will not turn the season around.

A very partial list of other things that need fixed just as much as walks:

Hitting with Runners in Scoring Position. Getting the starters' ERA under 5.00. Getting the bullpen's ERA under 5.00. Getting some runs on days when Greinke is pitching. Noticing when opposing players fail to tag up on a fly-out that could end the inning. Not dropping pop-ups. Not letting Gil Meche throw 128 pitches in a game when that's the sort of thing that has obliterated his pitching arm multiple times in his career. Not using Willie Bloomquist as a pinch hitter. Not losing half your games by one run.

Let's go back to that quote, because I think we can use it to figure out the true bottom line.

“If you put a gun to my head and said point to one thing why you’re 10 games under .500-- we’re walking too many guys. That’s the bottom line.” -- Trey Hillman

Alright, I think I've got it.

He says, "If you put a gun to my head," but nobody is doing that. Nobody has ever done that. He's had no pressure on him to do anything for three years. There's an owner in Arkansas who could care less and there's a GM who is more concerned with populating the team with ex-Mariners than winning. Despite being one of the worst franchises in all of professional sports, no Royal personnel in a position of authority has been held accountable for anything the last two decades. Sure they want to be good. They want to win. But have they felt pressure to do so? Any heat? The Royals' laid-back attitude toward success is the bottom line, not the walks. The lack of fire, the lack of ambition, the lack of caring covers all of those things I mentioned above. They say they want to win. They say they want to compete, but they seem pretty damn content to just tread water. You don't just fall ass-backwards into success. You have to work your ass off to get it. And I don't think there are enough people in this organization that understand that concept.

You want some proof? Let's see what the boss man has to say:

"I think Trey's done a terrific job. We all are evaluated and he evaluates himself harder than anybody else." --Dayton Moore

Who cares if he gives himself a C or a D on his phony-baloney internal report card? He gets to keep his job. He gets to keep being a major league manager because his boss thinks he's "terrific."

Here's Hillman's final take on this season:

"Things will fall into place." -- Trey Hillman

Right. You gotta love optimism bred through failure. A belief in success due to inaction.

Things will come to a head over these next two weeks. The Royals get to play teams just as bad as them: the Indians, White Sox, and Orioles. Here's where things will get interesting.

Will they feast on these teams, get themselves out of last in the division, and provide Dayton Moore, Trey Hillman, and the Royals fanbase with more stupid false hope, delaying the firing of Hillman or any moves that could actually make the team better?

Will they continue to suck? Prove they just aren't that good by losing to some truly terrible teams? Fall even deeper into disrepair? Get Hillman's ass on the chopping block?

Does it even matter?

Being a Royals fan is like being a Nihilist. Each game is more meaningless than the last.

Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch and Friedrich Nietzsche-- Balls Out  Royals Fanatics
Even the good times are drenched in ennui.

Go Royals! 141-21! You're the Best!

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