February 25, 2012

A Lesson in Chentax

Over the last few weeks, the sports world has gone absolutely bitchcakes over a young upstart named Jeremy Lin.  The young Knickerbocker has made waves for five reasons:

1) He's Asian-American
2) He plays for a team located in the biggest city in the United States.
3) He's played for six pro or semi-pro teams in the last two years.
4) Our culture is a vast wasteland.
5) Tim Tebow is unavailable to deify for at least another five months.

Lin has played well in his short time, but the attention his story has gotten is absurd. He's been on the cover of TIME and two straight covers of Sports Illustrated.  He's been called a racist term on ESPN's front page.  He has a Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream flavor.

Again, this is absolutely bitchcakes. 

But it's not unprecedented.  Lin and the aforementioned Tebow have garnered the spotlight of late, but it wasn't so long ago that the Royals' own Bruce Chen was experiencing a similar ascension to media icon.

Here's just a sampling of headlines from the past few seasons:

As you can see, it started innocently enough.  Just some dumb puns where "in" was replaced with "Chen."  But then a funny thing started happening.  You can only say "Chensatiable" or "Chentense" so many times before the words lose all meaning.  The writers started reaching a bit:

Yahoo's subtle racism was no match for ESPN, though, the Worldwide Leader of Chenappropriate Headlines.  In fact, the recent ESPN headline with Jeremy Lin was nearly identical to one that ran in September of 2010.  It's surprising they would let this happen again.

Of course, that wasn't the end of the ridiculous Chen wordplay.  I must warn our more sensitive readers to not peruse the following graphic headlines:

Despicable. But the worst offender, unsurprisingly, wasn't from traditional media. No, the worst was spotted on social media website Twitter, and the tweet actually came from one of Chen's teammates, Royals second baseman Chris Getz:

And there you have it. The unlikely ascension of Bruce Chen and the devastating consequences of pun-based wordplay.  Chen the future, we must be vigilant Chen our resistance to these Chensulting tactics.  These Chenfections of the language only serve to  damage our collective Chentelligence.  We must (and I must) Chend this already.

Go Royals!  One-Hundred-Sixty-Chen and O!  You're the Best!


  1. This is much better than my Vin-Sanity (Vin Mazzaro) concept. Glad I can put that god awful idea to bed.

  2. Awesome. Glad you're back.

  3. Anonymous9:42 AM

    Welcome back. It's been a cold three years in the wilderness without you. When can I expect Emil Brown's review of "The Artist?"

    1. I heard about that movie but I didn't see it. Sound like a rip off off The Silence MOVIE by Albert Brooks. But I will check it out, Anomnibus.


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