March 14, 2012

Commission Impossible

As you're probably well aware, the Royals have been hemorrhaging fans for the last twenty years and have repeatedly tried and failed to keep themselves culturally relevant to the increasingly apathetic masses.

These attempts failed, ultimately, because most were geared toward the lowest common denominator. The idiots, the drunks, the layabouts, the cut-off-sleeves, the slug-a-beds, the troglodytes, the low-brows, the great unwashed, the... well, you get the idea. 

They did everything they could to get this group to the park. They added a mascot. Krispy Kreme Donuts. Fireworks after home games. A facebook page. Pink baseball hats. Dollar hot dogs. Jeff Francoeur. Miniature golf. Thousands of free t-shirts. Gnome scavenger hunts. Concerts featuring local unsigned bands. Jeff Foxworthy.

But luckily they've realized the error of their ways.  While a fool and his money are soon parted, the mouth-breathers don't bring in a lot of repeat business.

They usually show up reeking of Milwaukee's Best in the third inning, complain about the sun and how the Royals are a farm team for the Yankees, eat some chili-cheese nachos, yell some racial slurs, and leave in the fifth inning so they don't miss Khloé & Lamar, a pile of garbage and sweat-stained seat their only lasting impacts.

Appealing to these folks will get you some money once or twice a season, but they don't have the brainpower or attention span to follow baseball, especially not a team like the Royals that requires undying loyalty to form a true connection. 

And it seems like the Royals finally get that.  This season, the Royals are doing something, well, frankly incredible.  They are choosing now to go after the four-eyes, the tongue-cluckers, the Sabermetric geeks, the stuffed shirts, the academics, the eggheads, the high-brows, the Arrested Development fans, the great unwashed, the... well, you get the idea. 

Their first move was to commission dozens of artists to create challenging and beautiful works that will be displayed in a new wing of the stadium known as the Royal Museum of Art.

We here at Royales with Cheese were lucky enough to obtain some of these works, and will present them throughout the season.

First up is a work that was generated before the unfortunate decision to not renew Frank White's broadcasting contract.  The artist, 16-year-old high school sophomore and DeviantArt member LadyJacob96, works primarily in graphite, colored pencil, and ballpoint pen.

I now present to you The Legend of the White Knight, 12" X 8":

I find the composition interesting. The moon phases really keep the eye moving around the picture plane. I appreciate the subtle manipulation of value. Frank's essence was captured well in this piece, and I look forward to seeing it in person at the Royal Museum of Art.

Go Royals! You're the Best!


  1. That Frank White painting is real good. I hope he comes to the museum opening even though he got bad blood with the team. He has to know that all of us got bad blood with the team and we don't go playing for the T Bones.

  2. Btw, Foxworth is ok but they better not bring that Larry the Cable Guy guy on the field ever or I am going to go play for the T Bones. His movies are the worst movies they make now days. Don't be stupid Royals fans.

  3. Anonymous3:45 PM

    Frank did comment on the phases of the moon frequently during broadcast. Kudos to the artist.

  4. Max Ramirez11:22 PM

    New promotion: Pepsi Max Ramirez.


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