Michael Tucker is famous among Royals fans for his two go-arounds with the club that featured dropped catches, bat flips, occasional signs of promising though nonchalant play, and yes, of course, his eyes.
Tucker seemed to always be expressing something sorrowful or surprising with his eyes.
Perhaps it was, "Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?" Maybe it was, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" It could have just been, "Man, I hope those TUMs start working soon."
In any case, his eyes were a window to his soul. A soul that seemed to be 10% scared, 10% shocked, and 80% sclera.
What I'm saying is, Michael Tucker had the bug eyes.
But we loved him for it.
That's why we are immortalizing his hilariously expressive eyes with a new feature entitled "Michael Tucker's OMG Moment of the Week."
This week's moment came earlier today when Dayton Moore shat himself silly and traded promising young pitcher Kevin Chapman and a PTBNL for two washouts from the Houston Astros.
I guess Ivan Rodriguez turning down a contract with your team will make you do stupid things.
The main piece in the trade is Humberto Quintero. He supposedly fills the catching void created by the losses of Salvador Perez and Manny Pina. While he's had many years of mediocre play, so far this spring Quintero had only played one game for Houston. That game was yesterday. He went from third-string Astros catcher to possibly starting catcher for the Kansas City Royals in less than 24 hours. We call that a #HumbertoBrag.
Quintero has played nine years in the bigs, but only amassed a 3 WAR. He's not much of a hitter, carrying a .234 average and only walking 37 times in his 1075 career ABs. He's hit only fifteen home runs despite playing in the juicebox that is Minute Maid Park for much of his career. He is much better defensively, however, and is apparently quite adept at picking off runners. In that regard, he's the Bizarro Brayan Pena. What one has in offensive ability, the other has in defensive ability. Otherwise, they are both heavyset backup catchers in their early-30s that have spent most of their careers on terrible teams. They should complement each other depressingly well.
The other player, Jason Bourgeois, is really only interesting because of his name. In reality, he's more like Jason Proletarian. He's got decent speed and not much else going for him. Dayton said they wouldn't have made the trade if Bourgeois wasn't involved. I'm not really sure why that is, unless they are looking for an older, less talented Jarrod Dyson or Mitch Maier to be the fourth outfielder this year. If that's the case, maybe Michael Tucker was still available. In any case, we'll probably have some fun this summer making more references to Marxism and Luis Bunuel films than we have in any previous Royals season, so it's not a total loss.
The biggest problem with this trade is that we were hoping Moore had moved beyond these panicky moves, but it looks like we have a lot more bad trades to deal with in the future. How else do you explain two of the worst players on the Houston Astros (THE HOUSTON ASTROS!)-- players who were in danger of not even making their team this year-- are the newest Royals, while a 24-year-old pitcher with a high strike-out rate and potential to shine in the Royals bullpen for years is on his way out?
As Michael Tucker would say, "Oh my golly!"
And as we are fond of saying, though we are often sighing and shaking our heads,
"Go Royals! You're the Best!"