Frank White has been replaced by two more Ryan Lefebvres!
Like the goddamn Invasion of the Forehead Snatchers, isn't it?
Surprisingly, comparing these two guys to Ryan Lefebvre is actually an insult to Ryan Lefebvre.
Which brings us to this week's edition of Michael Tucker's OMG Moment.
OMG! Can you believe how colossally bad at talking Rex Hudler is? It's like he's never actually been on TV (or AM radio or a telephone or any device) ever in his life. He's awkward. He says "uhhhh" every other word. He has a weird, forced enthusiastic tone that completely fails to jive with the monosyllabic words coming out of his food-hole.
Enthusiasm does not cover up the fact you know very little about this team or its players, or (somehow) baseball in general, Rex. In fact, it tends to enhance how moronic your comments actually are.
Now I assume the broadcasts will become less grating as the season wears on and Rex actually learns something about the sport he's paid to describe for a living, but Good God man, tonight was a chore for viewers.
To be fair, though, amid the idiotic and breathy dipshit comments, at one point he did make an extremely profound statement that I think we all benefited from hearing:
"Fukudome is Japanese, you know."
Anyway, so that is Hudler.
A panting, stupid mess.
Steve Physioc (whose name I prefer to write out as Fizzyock and will likely do so forevermore) wasn't actually that bad. Sure, he wears a phony announcer voice, but at least he doesn't make dipshit comments every 1.3 seconds like Rex Hudler.
By the way, Rex, you have a dog's name.
Grow the fuck up.
Anyway, back to Fizzyock. I actually didn't mind him. His phony announcing voice is fine. What kills me about him is his hilarious talent (or lack thereof) of transitioning between points of discussion and game action and running the broadcast.
"Starting lineups brought to you by Ford, whom you might remember invented the assembly line, and that's just what these Royals are doing tonight, assembling themselves into a lineup written out in Sharpie by Ned Yost whom, now that Getz has popped out to short, we'll be talking to when we come back at the top of the inning."
Listen to his transitions.
Sometimes decent, mostly awful and hilariously tenuous in their connections, but altogether delightful.
And I guess Rex (so God help me, I think that really is his birth name) Hudler is kind of entertaining too, though in the Roger-Corman-Troll-2-Birdemic-Shock-&-Terror-Godfather-Part-III-Showgirls-Transformers sort of way.
So the OMG Analysis comes down to this:
Rex Hudler is awful, though perhaps an amusing trainwreck.
Steve Fizzyock is okay but makes awkward transitions.
Ryan Lefebvre tells dumb stories and lame jokes, but we're used to him.
Bob Davis has a reduced presence, thank the almighty Christ.
Frank White, for all his awkward giggling, shilling of Pepsi Max, and information about moon phases, will be missed more than I anticipated.
Denny Mathews is a legend, and sadly may not be around when this team is any good.
And there you have it.
As Michael Tucker would say, "Oh my Golly!"
Go Royals TV Announcers! You all look alike!