March 24, 2012

Operation Inboxer

This is a first in our blog's history.  A loyal reader sent us a bit of fan mail.

I know.  

I was shocked too.

Regardless, I doubt it will ever happen again, so I've decided to post it in its entirety.

Dear Royales With Cheese--

What's up with Chen?  I think he really has Chenital Warts, just like you said a few weeks ago.

I am glad this blog is back. I remember reading it a long time ago when your slogan was "True. Blue. Balls." That was funny.  It was also funny when you showed Daniel Cortes naked on a toilet.  That was probably the funniest post you ever did, even though you didn't say anything funny on it. 
I am almost done with my first year at Maple Woods, which is famous for having Albert Pujols play here for a year, but my favorite thing about our school is that Alberto Callaspo got a DUI from our campus security once. Anyway, I was supposed to be doing a paper this week, but instead I spent like three hours making a dumb picture, just like you do at this blog.  When I finished, I didn't know what to do with it, so I'm sending it to you.  Maybe you can post it, but you probably won't.  Keep up the good work. 

Go Royals!  You're the Best!

--Ray Welch

Attached to the e-mail was this image:

First of all, thanks for the e-mail, Ray, and thanks for sending along the image.  

Fortunately, I had managed to block out the memory of that movie for the last decade or so, but your image brought it all flooding back: Robin Williams as a giant child who doesn't act much differently than Robin Williams as a man; Jennifer Lopez in one of her early roles as a Hispanic character; Bill Cosby playing a tutor in his greatest role since Ghost Dad; light comedy burdened by the pathos demanded in nearly every mainstream Robin Williams movie since Dead Poet's Society; a hokey epilogue that tells us to follow our dreams while ignoring the fact that Jack is going to die like a year or two later; basically, what I'm saying is I bet Emil Brown loves this terrible movie.

As for the image itself, the idea and execution are pretty good, and looking it over did inspire quite a few questions for me.

For instance--

How likely is it that if Soria chooses to retire, numerous Royals will go to his house and take turns yelling, "Can Jack come out and play?" until he acquiesces and returns to the team?

Whose fall from grace was more depressing?  Joakim Soria or Francis Ford Coppola?

Which is more interminable?  Recovering from Tommy John surgery or watching any Robin Williams movie not called World's Greatest Dad?

Which award is more often given to someone undeserving?  An all-star appearance or an Oscar? 

Do you think Robin Williams ever did blow with Willie Wilson?

Why didn't Ray consider modifying a Dead Man Walking poster?  It would be a similarly dated reference, but Dead Man Joakim is a pretty good pun and at least people remember that movie.

In any case, I thank you for the image and the e-mail, Ray.  I hope you did okay on that paper. Stay in school, and maybe someday you too will be an amateur blogger like me.

And if the rest of you readers would like to provide our blog with any free content or you just want to tell us how awesome we are, send it along to RoyalesWithCheese at gmail dot com, or post it to our facebook or twitter.  Or if you want to tell us how much we suck, that might be kind of funny, too.  Either way, you just might see it posted here along with some of our patented lazy snark. 

Go Ray!  You're the Best!


  1. Joseph11:01 PM

    You ever see Robin Williams on a talk show? He does like 400 voices in five minutes. Pure shit.

    1. Don't forget Fran Drescher was in that too. She is annoying but she got some fat tits.


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