April 27, 2012

Anthology of Abominations

This weekend, we shall witness a battle for the ages.  The resplendent Royals (5-14) head to Minneapolis to take on the tremendous Twins (5-14).

We'll get to spend our Friday night switching back and forth between the NFL draft (yeah right) and the scintillating matchup of Everett Teaford vs. Carl Pavano (squeal!). 

We're firmly in the Royals camp, obviously.  But imagine what this rivalry means to the folks of Ames, IA. They are halfway between Kansas City and Minneapolis.  How do they decide which team to support?

I'm not sure there's a harder decision out there than choosing between two 5-14 baseball teams.  I mean, either way, you're stuck rooting for a huge pile of shit.

You know what?

I take that back.

I can think of ten choices that I would find equally as shitty: 


CREED    OR    NICKELBACK?




 JACK AND JILL     OR    THE LOVE GURU?




 KEANU REEVES    OR    CHRIS KLEIN?

  

 JAR JAR BINKS    OR    ANAKIN SKYWALKER?




 KATHY GRIFFIN    OR     CARROT TOP?




REX RYAN   OR   ROB RYAN?




ANDREW JOHNSON   OR   WARREN G. HARDING?



 SCRAPPY DOO   OR   SCREECH POWERS?



LOST LAKE   OR   CLEAR CREEK?



 LAME VAMPIRES   OR   WAXED WEREWOLVES?

(shudder)

So which way do the Ames folks go?  Unfortunately, I think most of them are dipshit Cubs fans.  

Go Royals!  You're Better Than Everything Pictured Above!

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