April 5, 2012

Together At Last

You probably know that Rex Hudler and Ken "Hawk" Harrelson have over 70 combined years of baseball experience.  But you may not know that they also have over 100 combined years of dating experience. 

That's right.  They've navigated the rocky road of first kisses, falling in love, heartbreak, reconciliations, and yes, diddling.  In fact, one could easily argue these men are more knowledgeable on the game of love than the game of baseball.  So of course, we've asked these two legendary relationship gurus to lend their talents to our little blog.


They look so dapper in their tuxedos.  Almost like that guy from that Bachelor show.  You know who I'm talking about.  Uh, Flavor Flav?

Anyway, let's open up the mailbag and see how Rex and Hawk can help.


Hey guys--

How do I tell my girlfriend I love her?

Signed--
In Love With My Girlfriend

Rex: Pilot to Bombardier!

Hawk: Cinch it up and hunker down!

Rex:  Light up that halo!




Hawk & Hud--

I think my boyfriend is using me.  How can I tell for sure?

Signed--
Used Or Just Confused?

Hawk: Get foul!

Rex: How's his oppage?
 



Dear Sex-Men--

I have a problem in bed where something happens before it should.  Get my meaning?  Uh, someone let the horse out of the stable?  Or, um, the volcano erupts before the villagers are prepared? Is that clear?  This feels pretty dirty to talk about, especially to idiot baseball announcers. 

Signed--
Never Mind

Rex: Wax your car before you go to the park! 

Hawk: Get some leather on it!




Dear Rex and Ken--

I have a crush on this girl I am friends with.  What do I do?

Signed--
Sweating in Sheboygan 

Hawk: Rack 'em up!

Rex: Get 'em on, get 'em over, get 'em in!




Hey Goofus and Gallant--

I am a 34 y/o virgin.  In fact, I have never even kissed anyone other than myself in a mirror.  I kind of don't care at this point.  Does that make me weird?

Signed--
Red Right Hand

Rex: Be patient, young Jedi!

Hawk: You got a WHOLE lot of work to do! 




Dear Hawk and Rex--

Which form of protection works the best? I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get some Friday.

Signed--
Please get back to me by Friday 

Rex: Be a fountain, not a drain!

Hawk: I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE Aflac! 




Dear Relationship Gurus--

I've been married for twenty years, but I hate my husband.  I think I've always hated my husband.  What do I do?

Signed--
Murder isn't the answer, is it? 

Rex: He got to go!

Hawk: He gone! 

Rex:  Light up that halo!




Dear Sex Talk--

Should I break down and join a dating website?

Signed--
Super Desperate

Hawk:  Put it on the board, YES!

Rex: You don't go around yelling "Yo Yo Yo!"




Hudler/Hawk--

I like this guy but I accidentally farted when we were hanging out.  Do you think he will ever talk to me again?

Signed--
So Embarrassed 

Rex: Was there cheese under it?

Hawk: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS!

Rex:  Light up that halo!



Well, that's it for now.  We hope you've enjoyed Sex Talk with Rex & Hawk.

Go Double Entendres!  You're the Best!

2 comments:

  1. Jordan11:04 PM

    These men are a stain on humanity.

    ReplyDelete
  2. STRETCH!

    ReplyDelete

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