The Royals have been godawful at the K this year. If they were even .500 at home, they'd be near the top of the league. But aside from the Cardinals series in June and the All-Star Game in July, both of which will be overrun by fans who could care less about the Royals, there's little guarantee of a decent crowd again this season.
The Royals marketing department, however, has taken it upon themselves to employ a bold new strategy to entice fans to come out to the park and empty their pockets. Kauffman Stadium has added a private wing known as the Royals Museum of Art, a gallery designed to appeal to the more intellectual fan, one who can appreciate foreign films, a fine Chablis, and free jazz. Because of this, not just anyone can get into the museum. Indeed, thus far only those who have made sizable donations have been allowed to view the works contained therein.
While we here at Royales with Cheese will be the first to admit we are proud intellectuals, unfortunately, we're also broke. That means we've not been inside the gallery ourselves. Lucky for you, we do sell weed to the museum curator, and she has been kind enough to leak us high-resolution images of the various works on display.
Today we bring you a pastel work by 46-year-old Roxanne Nickles of Vermillion, South Dakota. Roxanne is an adjunct biology instructor at Mount Marty College, an avid fly-fisher, and a lifetime member of the Audobon Society. Her goal as an artist is to raise awareness of environmental concerns.
She agreed to paint a naturalistic portrait of Sluggerrr if the Royals would consider restoring Kauffman Stadium to its original prairie grassland status. When the team refused, she instead brokered a settlement that banned the sale of bison burgers at the K. And with that, this magnificent work of art was born.
We are now proud to present Panthera Leo-- His Majesty Speaks, 12" x 18".
(click to appreciate the fine detail)
In this piece, Sluggerrr has a menacing elegance, a murderous grace, a threatening beauty. The lion mascot is rendered with rippling power beneath a luxurious mane, his golden crown proclaiming his regal status. Beware his sharpened fangs, his fluid body, his mighty hot-dog-launching paws. Sluggerrr strikes fear into the hearts of his prey as he lets loose a thunderous roar. "Go Royals!" he bellows. "You're the Best!"
We agree, Sluggerrr. We agree.