Now sit back and enjoy our exclusive interview with this expert regarding the first and second round draft picks of the Kansas City Royals in the 2012 MLB draft.
PD: So did you watch this year's draft?
Dad: You serious? You know I was watching the Finding Bigfoot marathon on Animal Planet.
PD: Yeah, that's a pretty good show I guess.
Dad: Heck yeah it is, I love that Bobo.
PD: Me too, me too. Anyway I was hoping to get your opinion on the first two draft picks by the Royals this . . .
Dad: They suck.
PD: You didn't let me finish . . I was hoping to get your opinion on the first two draft picks by the Royals this . . .
Dad: No, I know what you're asking and I'm telling you they suck.
PD: Do you even know who they drafted?
Dad: No, but it doesn't matter. All the Royals early draft picks are terrible.
PD: Well that's not true, what about Moustakas? Hosmer? Butler? Greinke? Gordon? Appier? Willie Wilson?
Dad: Those guys were first round draft picks?. . . All I remember is that Luke Hocheesbar. He reminds me of your Uncle Rick, a real stumblebum with those big ears and a shit-eating grin.
PD: We'll, it's hard to argue with that.
Dad: Past is Present.
PD: Anyway the Royals drafted right-handed pitcher Kyle Zimmer from the University of San Francisco Dons with their first pick in the draft this year.
Dad: THE FAT GUY WHO EATS WEIRD SHIT?
PD: What... Andrew Zimmern? No. Kyle's a legit prospect. Good fastball, above average curve. Average change.
Dad: Well, I wouldn't put it past the Royals to take someone like him.
PD: Like who?
Dad: Andrew Zimmern.
PD: You still on that? Anyway no seriously, it's an interesting pick. He could be a legit number two pitcher in the bigs someday, or he could be a bust; it's gutsy, but somewhat indicative of a win-now attitude.
Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Win-now attitude! HAHAHAHAHA!
PD: Dad, focus!
Dad: Ok, Ok! He's going to suck, no doubt about that, but even worse he's going to be too busy smoking the doobs to do anything but stay out of jail.
Dad: We'll you said he's from San Francisco. San Fran . . . Hippy . . .Loser . . .Obama.
PD: Whatever. Well what about our second round pick, Sam Selman, a lefty out of Vanderbilt?
Dad: Spoiled. He's a Vanderbilt, he's going to come in here and act all entitled, hating on KC, wishing he was back in his hoity-toity mansion, eating fish eggs.
PD: Seriously, what the fuck are you talking about the Vanderbilt family? What does that have to do with anything?
Look at this privileged SOB with his
muttonchops and cravat. . .
Dad: If you cant see past the horizon you'll never cross it.
PD: Bah! Get back to Finding Bigfoot.
Dad: Okay, Now we can finally see if those noises in the night were a chipmunk or a Squatch.
PD: Later, Dad . . .
Dad: unintelligible grunt