Hello cinephiliacs! I can't believe it is almost August all ready, can you? Summer movies only got a month or so to go and then all the dumb kids are back in the schools. In August is when a lot of the movies that are coming out really start to be sucking again, so you defiantly want to check out what I got to say down below. Maybe instead of the movies you watch the Olympics or Olympics movies like The Cool Runnings or Blades of Glory instead! Below are the next couple weeks of movies!
Total Recalled (August 3)
The Good: A remake of a real good Arnold Shwartzenegger movie where he don't know if he's one guy or another guy and who his wife is. This new one looks more seriously then the old one did because it don't look like it got any crossdressing or exploded heads which was real funny in the firts one.
The Bads: They don't go to Mars on this one which is real lame. I want Marshins!
The chick with three boobies is gone be in this one, but I can give you a website right now where you
can see a lot more boobies for more than a second and for free. IT IS CALL GOOGLE, MORAN!
The Diary of the Wimpy Kid : The Dog's Day (August 3)
The GOod: I read all the Wimpy Kid books and this one maybe is my favorite one because I love summer and this one all about summer with summer camps, swimming, and Greg the Wimp get's a dog in this one! I am defiantly gone see this.
The Bad: They skip the Wimpy Kid book call The Last Straw but that book was before The Dog's Day so I worried about why that happen. Also, the wimpy kid got a deeper voice then he used to have so puberty prolly gone ruin these movies just like with the Harry Potter and Frodo Biggums.
The Asassin Bullet (August 3)
This Good; I seen a trailer for this and the movie was named Sofia. It had dudes smoking opiums, belly dancing chicks, and a chick in leather shotting people which all seemed pretty cool!
The bad: Why did they change the movies name? Chrishten Slater is the main guy in this and he got real weird eybrows and he can't act very good. Wait for it on the Red Box!
The Souljas of Fortune (August 3)
The Good: I got to admit this one look descent! A bunch of rich guys pay to fight in a real war for they're vacation.
The Bas: I am a rich guy but I ain't never going to war for fun because you can die from a war and then you would just be a dead guy! Also this one got Chrishten Slater as the main guy again! Two movies of his ugly face on the same day? Come on Mirror Max!
The Baby Makers (August 3)
Good: This a comedy movie about dudes robbing a sperm bank because one dude's sperms don't work so good but he donated sperm to the sperm bank in the passed and those sperms were good ones. The story sound funny to me, and I'm betting there will be a lot of crude humor.
AND BAD: I don't want to be all politics on this because the movie is just a dumb comedy movie, but why ain't these people just adopt a kid? Why they got to be Baby Makers? Lot of kids need homes and its horse shit this guy think he need to pass his lazy good for nothing sperms on to a kid!
Three Hunderd and 60 (August 3)
The GOod: I thought this was gone be a cool movie about the XBox 360 but it is just some relationship drama junk!
The Bad: I seen the trailer but it makes no sense to me. Bunch of people with different accents talking about relationships and there is too much violen music playing. This look like the worse movie of summer to me!
The Borne Legasy (August 10)
The Goods: This is the forth Jason Borne movie and it looks like a action pack thrill ride with Hawk Eye from the Avengors doing cool stunts on motorcycles and jumping off buildings!
This Bad: Jason Borne ain't in this! Hawk Eye just knows Jason Borne or something. It is like when they done a sequel to The Short Circut and Steve Gootenburg wasn't even in it! But Short Circut 2 was still a real good movie because it still had Jonny 5 the funny robot in it.
The Campaign Trails (August 10)
The Good: Will Farrell and Zach Galafinakiss are running for congress and they keep pulling mad pranks on each other like one guy makes the other guy punch a baby! That's hilarious!
The Bed: This is a R-Rated movie so you kids better sneak in if you want to be seeing it!
2 of the Days in New York (August 10)
The Goods: Chris Rock and a french chick are married and her french parents are coming to visit and Chris Rock is gone have to deal with that! In-laws are bad but I bet french in-laws are even more bad!
The Bad: The story sounds funny but this look like an annoying movie of people always complaining like in Woody Allans movies. It should be more like Meet the Fokkers but this looks dumb.
The Hope Spring (August 10)
This Good: This
look like a movie old women will like. Meryl Strep and Tommy Lee Jones
go to couple therapy so they can have good sex like the young people do!
The Bade: Like
I say, old women will like it but this don't look funny to me. Tommy
Lee Jones should be fighting vs. aliens or Steven Segall, not be a old
man in sexual therapy! What are you thinking, Holly Wood?
Well that is all for this look at the next two weeks of summer movies! I'll be back with more movies for you to maybe see soon!
Go Movies! Your the Best!