August 6, 2012

Three Shits to the Wind

We've reached the dog days of summer and the dogshit days of the Royals season.
Dayton Moore is clearly freaking out and heads are rolling. In the last three days, DM has made not one, not two, but three goofy decisions. Goofy in their timing, goofy in their reasoning, and goofy in their execution.

Three Michael Tucker OMG Moments in three straight days.  It has to be some kind of record. 

First, Doug Sisson was fired as first base coach.  

We all know the first base coach probably has the biggest impact on the team's record of anyone, so we applaud this move.  It was definitely Sisson's fault that the Royals have one of the worst baserunning teams in the majors.  It has nothing to do with Yost thinking every player on the roster, from Jarrod Dyson to Brayan Pena, should have the green light no matter what the situation is when he reaches base. Because, hey, BE AGGRESSIVE, B-E AGGRESSIVE, B-E-A-GG-R-E-SS-I-V-E!  It's the same mentality that holds true to the belief that swinging at every pitch is a good strategy.  Never mind that Kevin Seitzer wants more patience out of Royals hitters.  He's likely on the chopping block because of Yost's idealogy of forced aggressiveness.

Sisson's replacement was Rusty Kuntz. His name is the definition of overaggressive. It's like he's daring people not to make a joke. So we won't. Too easy. And not really funny, anyway.  

Instead, we'll just show you pictures of Rusty Kuntz milking a cow:


The second OMG moment, of course, was Yuniesky Betancourt's release on Sunday.  

We already addressed this yesterday, but the whole shitcanning of Yuni brought joy to our hearts.  Of course, we remain pissed that he was ever on the team to begin with, and that he was able to play through four months of suck, and that his bad attitude is what finally got him sacked as if that is remotely as important as his terrible performance... but we really need to let all that go.  I guess. It's not the last time we'll be forced to accept Moore compounding a bad decision by ignoring numerous immediate solutions that would force him to admit he made a mistake **COUGH**JEFF FRANCOEUR**COUGH**.

Many bloggers and tweeters are already making jokes that we haven't seen the last of Yuni.  I don't think he'll ever be back in KC, but I do happen to know that Dayton Moore foolishly has invested several hundred thousand dollars into a statue to commemorate Yuni's career with the Royals. 

Expect it to debut just outside the Royals Museum of Art sometime this fall:

An atrocity.  But a good metaphor for his bloated ego and childlike idiocy, I suppose.

Finally, Dayton's third OMG Moment came earlier today when we learned left-handed reliever, King of the Chinstrap Beard, and offseason Fat Joe impersonator Jose Mijares was claimed off waivers by the San Francisco Giants.  

Now, it's no surprise that Mijares was claimed by a playoff contender. What is surprising is that Dayton Moore decided to just let Mijares go. For nothing. Not even a PTBNL or cash considerations.  

Nada. Zip. Zilch. Squat.

Later, Royals brass claimed they didn't want to pay Jose's arbitration-inflated salary next year (an estimated $2 million, coincidentally what they paid Yuniesky Betancourt for negative value this year), but that still doesn't explain why they just let the Giants take him today for nothing. They could have tried to get something for him (like I said, even the standard cash settlement of $50K would have been fine), kept him and tried to trade him in the offseason, or kept him and just released him after the season if they really didn't want to pay him next year. 


Let's just look at this picture of Rusty Kuntz milking a cow and pretend everything is okay and our favorite team isn't run by idiots. 

Go Idiots! You're the Best!

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