September 4, 2012

Every Which Way but Lucid

Last week, Jack Harry went on a nearly incoherent diatribe in front of an enthusiastic and drunken crowd at the 810 Sports Zone.  They had just set up a podium for the emcee of the weekly trivia night when Jack grabbed the mic and wouldn't let go.  It seems he'd had a few too many and decided to improvise one of his famous Jack's Smack segments for the small group of midweek drinkers.  While we've been unable to come up with any video footage of the rant, we do have some photos and a transcript of his comments.


[JACK HARRY]: So I -- so I've got Mr. Moore sitting here.  And he's -- I was going to ask him a couple of questions.  But -- you know about -- I remember six or so years ago, when Mr. Moore was hired. And though I was not a big supporter, I was watching that night when he was having that thing and they were talking about competing and .500 and they were talking about, true blue tradition, and it was dark outdoors, and it was nice, and people were lighting candles.
   They were saying, I just thought, this was great. Everybody is crying, Frank Boal was crying. I was even crying.  And then finally -- and I haven't cried that hard since I found out that there is 27 year playoff drought for this team.
   (APPLAUSE)
   Now that is something to cry for because that is a disgrace, a royal disgrace, and we haven't done enough, obviously -- this organization hasn't done enough to cure that. Whatever interest they have is not strong enough, and I think possibly now it may be time for somebody else to come along and solve the problem.
   (APPLAUSE)


   So, Mr. General Manager, how do you handle promises that you have made when you were interviewing for the job, and how do you handle them? I mean, what do you say to people?  Do you just -- you know -- I know -- people were wondering -- you don't -- handle that OK. Well, I know even people in your own office were very disappointed when you didn't trade Frenchy.  And I thought, well trading Frenchy -- why trade that, we spent so much money on it.  But, I thought maybe as an excuse -- what do you mean shut up?
   (LAUGHTER)
   OK, I thought maybe it was just because somebody had the stupid idea of trying Yuniesky Betancourt as a utility infielder.
   (APPLAUSE)
   I've got to to hand it to you.  I have to give credit where credit is due.  You did finally overrule that finally.  And that's -- now we are moving onward. I know you were against signing more starting pitching, and that's okay.  But you thought re-signing Bruce Chen for two years was okay. You know, I mean -- you thought that was something worth doing.  We didn't check with the other teams to see how they did it -- they didn't keep him for more than a season or two.
   (APPLAUSE)
   But we did it, and it is something to be thought about, and I think that, when we get to maybe -- I think you've mentioned something about having a target date for winning the division.  You gave that target date, and I think I asked the only sensible question, you know, I said, "Why are you giving the date out now? Why don't you just win the division tomorrow morning?''
   (APPLAUSE)
   And I thought -- I thought, yeah -- I am not going to shut up, it is my turn.
   (LAUGHTER)


   So anyway, we're going to have -- we're going to have to have a little chat about that.  And then, I just wondered, all these promises -- I wondered about when the -- what do you want me to tell Kietzman?  I can't tell him to do that.  I can't tell him to do that to himself.
   (APPLAUSE)
   You're crazy, you're absolutely crazy.  You're getting as bad as Dan Glass.
   (APPLAUSE)
   Of course we all know Danny is the intellect of the Royals organization.
   (LAUGHTER)
   Kind of a grin with a fat body behind it.
   (LAUGHTER)
   But I just think that there is so much to be done. I think it is maybe time -- what do you think -- for maybe a stats man.  How about that?
   (APPLAUSE)
   A stellar stats man.  Quote, unquote, a stellar stats man. And I think it's that time.  And I think if you just step aside and he can kind of take over. You can maybe still hang out with Frenchy and Getz in the offseason.
   (APPLAUSE)
    OK, well anyway.  All right, I'm sorry.  I can't do that to myself either.
   (APPLAUSE)
   I would just like to say something, ladies and gentlemen. Something that I think is very important.  It is that, you, we, all of us, in a way, own this team.
   (APPLAUSE)
   David Glass owns it, but really it's us, the media and the fans, Soren Petro and Joseph S. Accurso, it is not Glass owning it, and not the players or coaches or GM owning it.  They are employees of ours.
   (APPLAUSE)


   And  -- so -- they are just going to come around and beg for money from us every few years and never win.  It is the same old deal.  And when somebody does not do the job, we got to let them go.
   (APPLAUSE)
   Okay, just remember that.  And I'm speaking out for everybody out there.  It doesn't hurt, we don't have to be -- what I'm saying, we do not have to be masochists and follow a team that starts players that we don't really even want on the team just because they seem to be nice guys.
   (APPLAUSE)
   But OK.  You want me to Jack Smack their asses?
   (APPLAUSE)
   All right.  I start it, you finish it.  JACK--
   [AUDIENCE]: SMACK!
   Thank you. Thank you very much. Gary Lezak will be back one more time with the weather after this message.


Go Jack Harry! You Yell A Lot!

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