March 19, 2013

Help!... It's the Hair Berry Bunch!

Last Friday, the Tampa Bay Rays held an event called "Fortune Favors The Bald." Manager Joe Maddon, along with players like Jeremy Hellickson and Luke Scott, and even team owner Stuart Sternberg, shaved their heads to raise money and awareness for Pediatric Cancer Research. A total of 65 members of the Tampa Bay organization got haircuts, and even Michael Young from the visiting Phillies underwent the clippers. If you'd like to get involved, text the word "Cut" to 50555 to make a $10 donation or visit This was the second year in a row the Rays have held the event, and following last year's 90-win season, it seems like fortune, and likely karma, really do favor the bald.

On the other side of the country, the Royals are also trying to raise awareness for a cause they view as noble. At today's game in Surprise with the Rockies, the Royals will hold a similar event titled "Fortune Favors The Call." Their goal is to raise awareness for the recent film release, The Call.

In the movie, Halle Berry plays a 911 Telephone Dispatcher who finds herself tangling with a psychotic serial killer. It's seen as something of a comeback film for Berry, who following an Oscar win over a decade ago for Monster's Ball has mostly starred in a series of box office bombs like Catwoman and Movie 43, effectively ruining her career.

"She's still gorgeous," Manager Ned Yost said, "even if her films are crap. But this one looks okay, so why not do something to raise awareness for it?"

Explaining the event through a translator, backup infielder Miguel Tejada said, "Anything we can do to help a talented, beautiful actress like Ms. Berry is worth doing. My own career peaked years ago, so I can really identify with getting a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth chance of being a star."

Right fielder Jeff Francoeur agreed, saying, "You can't forget how great someone used to be. Too many people say that it's not worth watching or supporting someone who has failed you or let you down over and over again like I have... I mean, like Halle Berry... um... has. But... yeah. People should really go see The Call. I hear it's not bad for a spring release."

Indeed, the movie has already exceeded expectations, finishing second at the box office in its first weekend. "With this promotion," pitcher Jeremy Guthrie said, "we hope we can make it number one."

For the event, 46 members of the Royals organization have been outfitted with permed wigs, similar to Berry's bizarre poodle hairstyle in the film.

"We wore green hats for St. Patrick's Day," third baseman Mike Moustakas said, "which doesn't even make sense because most of us hate Irish people. But we all love Halle Berry, so we're down with these wigs."

"Curly hair look real funny on dudes," stated pitcher Everett Teaford. He thought for a moment, then burst into laughter. "I think they kinda look like pubes."

We couldn't agree more with Teaford. In fact, Royales with Cheese has some exclusive photos of some of the participants that we'd like to share with you now:

 Incredible promotion, guys. If you'd like to get involved, text the word "Perm" to KL50555 to make a $10 donation or visit

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On a sidenote, Luke Hochevar, who was recently moved to the bullpen, took us aside while we were meeting with players about this event. He is one of a handful of Royals  who has chosen not to participate in the "Fortune Favors the Call" promotion.

"Yeah, Halle's made some good movies like B*A*P*S and Gothika," he said, "but to be honest, I think if people are going to the movies this week, you're best bet is The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. And you can quote me on that."

Don't worry, Luke. We got your back.

Go Royals! 162-0! You're the Best!


  1. Anonymous11:55 AM

    Great work Royales! By the way, I know we stopped Yuni but whatever happened to that Kony dude?

    1. I may be mistaken, but I believe he left the Lord's Resistance Army to form the R & B/New Jack Swing trio Kony! Koni! Koné!


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