March 22, 2013

Phrasestorming

Last year, we (and just about every other Royals fan) made a big stink about the 2012 Royals slogan, "Our Time." It was a clear miscalculation on the part of the team's marketing department.

The Royals spent much of the first two weeks of the season shitting themselves silly, turning the slogan into joke after joke after joke--

Error Time

Bar Time

Sour Time

Injury Time

Bed Time

and, of course

Save the Clock Tower Time


The Royals haven't been to the playoffs since 1985? Great Scott!

As you're probably aware, the slogan for the 2013 Royals season is "Come to Play."

Which, I think you'll agree with me here, is confusing and therefore awful.




Come.

To.

Play.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN!? WHAT IS THE IMPLICATION!? I CAN'T READ!?

No really, I'm not sure I get what this is saying and to whom this message is being delivered.

Is it for fans? Are fans going to come to games to play?

Like, if I show up and Jeff Francoeur has a sinus infection, I might get to play right field?  Because I'm not confident in my baseball skills. I mean, I'm not confident in Francoeur's baseball skills either, but at least he has his own uniform and isn't drunk before the game starts.

At least I think he's not.

Is the slogan for the Royals themselves?

Like the higher ups realized that the problem for the last 27 or so years was the fact that nobody told the team they should actually come to games ready to play? They practice and play games together for a month in Arizona, then continue to practice and play games together in Kansas City and around the country for six more months, but nobody ever told these guys they should actually put forth some effort?

If that's the case, why isn't the slogan "Come to Win"? Because that might be more of the kick in the ass that they need.

Or how about "Come to Win or Go to Hell! YOU GO STRAIGHT TO HELL, LOSERS!"

I know if my boss told me that, I'd probably try a little bit harder.

Or quit.

I'd probably quit.

But that would at least get my lazy, uncommitted ass off the payroll.

NEXT POSSIBLE SCENARIO/COMEDIC RIFF:

Is the slogan for the Royals' opponents?

This one somehow makes the most and least sense to me. Like, hey Orioles or Twins or Astros or whoever, you best come to play, bitches.

But why would they be trying to promote their home games for opponents? That seems to be the one demographic that they won't have any problem getting to show up to the games.

"HEY YANKEES, COME TO PLAY!"

"HEY ROYALS, THAT'S WHAT THE SCHEDULE SAYS, SO I GUESS WE HAVE TO BE THERE! THANKS FOR THE REMINDER, THOUGH! SEE YOU FRIDAY!"

A final possible option is that we're seeing the fifth step in a six-step process of the Royals transforming themselves from a major league ballclub into a daycare center.

Step One: Fireworks

Step Two: Sluggerrr

Step Three: The Little K

Step Four: Carousel

Step Five: Kid-Friendly Slogan

Step Six: Contract team. Become daycare.


Trust the process.

To be honest, my mind simply can't figure out this slogan, what it means, and to whom it appeals.

When I think of "Come to Play," my mind always adds another word:

Out.

As in "Come Out to Play."

You're probably thinking of that shitty faux-punk band with the needless definite article The Offspring.

HOW DARE YOU.

Besides, that was the grammatically incorrect "Come out AND play." Don't you remember anything?

The correct answer, of course, is this:



"ROYEEEEEEEEALS! COME OUT TO PLAAAAAAAEEEEEEEAYYYYY!"

If they don't put that shit on CrownVision at some point this year, I'm going to be very upset.

Go Warriors! You're the Best!

2 comments:

  1. lol wut is a definate article?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think it means all those things. It's like the sitcom Family Matters, you know? The name of the show refers to situations pertaining to the Winslow family, but it is also reinforces the mantra the family is important.

    Catch The Thrill!

    ReplyDelete

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