April 16, 2013

Always Brave

Hello Sports Fans! Welcome to Week 3 of the 2013 MLB Season. This week your Kan City Royals travel to Atlanta to take on the red hot Braves in a quick two-game set, and I’m here to tell you everything you need to know about this NL East club. Ready. Set. Let's Get Topical!


A is for Asstastic

Back in February, the Braves, along with the rest of the league, were set to release the design of their new on-field spring training/batting practice cap. The cap featured the vintage Screaming Savage logo and was a hit with Caucasians everywhere.



Unfortunately, the liberal agenda got in the way, protesting the use of the logo, and the team backtracked, going with a boring modification of its classic 'A' insignia.


Sadly, both cap designs are much cooler than the Royals.’



Take Me To Your Leader

For years, the Atlanta Braves have been motivated by their owner: World Championship Wrestling founder, Ted Turner. Turner was the first owner to introduce the Peel-A-Section incentive program into a real MLB clubhouse. Over a dozen division titles later and this team is still looking as good as Jane Fonda, circa 1968.



Upton for the Down Stroke

It's a common misconception that Braves outfielders BJ and Justin Upton are brothers. They are actually the first married couple to play for the same major league baseball team. In case you were wondering, Mark and Storm Davis were  divorced by the time they played together for the Royals in the early 90s.



Forty Two

It’s Jackie Robinson Awareness Week, which means players on both teams will wear uniform number 42 for Tuesday night’s game. 



It’s shocking that MLB fails to see the moral hazard associated with a baseball game that features #42 facing #42, with #42 on deck, #42 in the hole, and #42 rested in the bullpen. It’s an umpire/broadcaster/scorekeeper’s collective nightmare. Last year on Jackie Robinson Day, the Braves’ Dan Uggla logged 17 plate appearances, entering and leaving the game as the situation necessitated, because no one knew what the hell was going on.

Luckily this year, the Royals have brought this guy along to keep an eye on things.


   
Marquee Mashup

With any luck, this series will renew a long-simmering player feud that is likely nearing its boiling point. Braves backup catcher Gerald Laird has had a problem with Royals pitcher Jeremy Guthrie ever since Guthrie threw a brushback pitch during a 2008 Orioles-Rangers game that embarrassingly landed Laird on his ass.


Laird has a .417 career average against Guthrie, including a 1-for-3 effort against him as a Tiger last August. While things failed to escalate in that contest, the two did exchange a series of mean mugs and confusingly racist taunts.

The possibility of a showdown this week is certainly not lost on these two. You can sense the hostility from their latest tweets:





Look out! It won't take much to get these hotheads going!


Dye-No-Mike

Finally, we recall a pair of former Braves forever linked by one of the few good trades the Royals have made over the past 40 years. In March 1997, the Royals traded Michael Tucker and Keith Lockhart for Jermaine Dye and Jamie Walker.


The Braves got a bug-eyed bumstick and the Royals got their only position player to start an All-Star game since Bo Jackson in 1989.


That's it. Everything you need to know about the Atlanta Braves. Enjoy the series!

Go Royals! You Gotta Love These Guys!

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