Hey there, Royals fans! Happy Opening Day! KC has certainly had an eventful first week on the road and it's great they've managed to make it back home with a .500 record.
As Rex Hudler would say, "A .500 season for the team? That's what you want. It's perfect."
(He seriously said that.)
But this blog doesn't exist to talk about how the Royals are doing on the field. Why the hell would we do that?
Instead, I've got a new Royals vs. Cards installment for you!
One of my favorite things about Topps baseball cards is the backs of them. In some years, they've included random baseball trivia, random player trivia, and dumb little cartoons. These little tidbits and cartoons were sort of a pre-cursor to this blog in that they contributed absolutely nothing to the game of baseball or the knowledge of the fan who read it.
So we pay honor to some of those cartoons today-- specifically those from the backs of the 1973 Topps set.
Here are amazing facts (and cartoon depictions of said facts) about some of our favorite Royals (and some guys you probably didn't even realize were Royals at one point):
Al was one of the original members of Funkadelic.
Nellie was a totally average punter.
Dick sold mustard out of a briefcase in the off-season.
Carl was a nerd.
Cookie worked in the Nixon White House.
Larry was a pothead.
Al was a pothead.
Harmon never missed an episode of Lawrence Welk.
Bruce was a nerd.
Mingo made a mean casserole.
Steve was a jammer for the local roller derby team.
Tom was a cutter.
Jim was white.
Vida knew his way around a toilet.
And our absolute favorite:
Ed was into BDSM.
There's one thing I love about these cartoons:
It doesn't matter that Al Fitzmorris is writing songs or Nelson Briles is playing football or Vida Blue is fixing a pipe-- they must keep their baseball uniforms on at all times!
There's also one thing I find troubling about these cartoons:
All the players look the same.
I mean, where are Cookie Rojas's glasses? Why are Tom Hall and Vida Blue white guys?
Oh well. Topps would only make that same mistake for the next ten years or so.
But that's something for a future post.
Go "Spanky"! You're the Best!