April 5, 2013

Well you came and you gave without taking...

Nine years ago, AC and I were just a couple of young ballers finishing up our junior year of college.

Or maybe it was our year of junior college?

Either way.

On April 5, 2004, we took a road trip to Kansas City with two-and-a-half sexy ladies and one rail-thin, malnourished stoner to see the Royals' Opening Day versus the Chicago White Sox.

Needless to say, AC's Chevy Lumina was pretty jammed up that day.

 Now cutting class to spend four-plus hours in AC's Lumina (which, ironically, had no actual A/C) and three-plus hours in Kauffman Stadium usually just ended with us wondering why the hell we had wasted our time and money on this shit. And it seemed like things were going that way again this day, as somehow Brian Anderson was KC's Opening Day starter. To the surprise of no one, he sucked ballbags, giving up five runs in five innings. Shawn Camp (who, believe it or not, is still pitching for the Cubs!?!) allowed two more runs in the next two innings. Somehow, a Royals lineup stacked with notable bumsticks Angel Berroa, Ken Harvey, and Desi "my desi" Relaford, just couldn't keep up.

As they entered the bottom of the ninth, KC was down 7-2. But that's when a day full of suck got interesting, thanks to a cat named Mendy Lopez.

Let us turn to Poor Pichardo's Almanack for the rest of the story:

Holy shit, I had forgotten about the ThunderStix!

What a ridiculous giveaway... perhaps only rivaled by the Naya Noodle or the Blue Wave squiggly pube.

Thank God the Royals marketing department never jumped on the Vuvuzela bandwagon.

Anywho, Mendy Lopez, you will forever be a Royals hero because of that game.

Even if the team later sold you to the Samsung Lions of Korea.

In Korea, the "V" finger symbol stands for "Victory."

Be afraid, Obama. Be very afraid.

 Also, buy Samsung!

Go Meatless Crêpes! You're the Best!

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