May 29, 2013

Breaking Their Word

You may remember before the season began that we thoroughly mocked the Royals 2013 slogan, "Come to Play." After a month of above-average baseball, we were looking kind of like assholes, but now Kansas City has followed up its hot start with a month that rivals and perhaps eclipses the shittiness of April 2012.
Which means it's time to once again analyze "Come to Play."

It's certainly not a maxim these Royals have been following the past few weeks. They don't seem to be doing much playing lately. Instead, they "Come to Lose." They "Come to Suck." They "Come Away Empty Handed." They "Come Down to Earth." They "Come to Flash Hand Signals."

And for fans, we "Come to Waste Money" and "Come to be Depressed" and just flat out "Complain."

So enough of the coming. I'm happy to see the team going, even if it's just to St. Louis and Texas to lose some more.

But I think before the team returns to Kansas City, the marketing department needs to consider some alternate slogans for the Royals moving forward.

Luckily for them, Royales with Cheese is here to help. You see, we've been following the Royals pretty closely this year, particularly a lot of the interviews with players and coaches. These guys may not know how to play, but they certainly can turn a phrase. Why invent a slogan when you can just swipe one?

You're probably thinking we're just going to bring up the now infamous "Third-Baseman Tree" and the soon-to-be infamous "Take my belt off and spank them" lines from Edgar "Ned" Yost. You should know us better than that. Maybe back in 2006, when there weren't already forty-eight other Royals blogs on the internet doing the same thing, but now we have to dig a little deeper.

So we're going with something Yost said back in spring training in reference to former #1 draft pick and organizational debris Luke Hochevar. Here's the quote: "We just have too much faith in his ability. He's just too good not to be good."

That about sums things up for this franchise, doesn't it? Ned, Dayton, the players, and we the fans all just have too much faith in their ability. We all think they are just too good not to be good.

We are wrong.

How else do you explain Ned saying there's nothing he can do as the manager, even though he's seemingly doing nothing beyond continuing to play the shittiest players and then just crossing his fingers?

How else do you explain Dayton saying there's nothing he can do as the GM, even though he has overpaid, under-performing players on the roster and better options (read as: replacement-level players) in the minors, if not across town playing for the T-Bones?

How else do you explain Mike Moustakas saying there's nothing he can do to get out of his slump other than continue to play, even though he's not watching any film, not practicing any more, and apparently not working one-on-one with anybody to fix his problems?
How else do you explain us, the easily duped fans, thinking it's ever going to get better with these people making the decisions they are making?

We all have TOO MUCH FAITH.


But they are the Royals.

And they suck.

Just like they always suck.

Which, really, maybe that's what the slogan should be.

Billy Butler said it a few days ago: “This sucks. It sucks. The only thing I do know: this sucks.”

Your 2013 Kansas City Royals new slogan? This Sucks.

Hey Royals, your faith is unwarranted.
You need to get off your asses and do something pro-active if you ever want to be competitive. Demote or cut the players who are sucking. Fire the coaches and front-office personnel who aren't getting the job done. Bring in somebody who's actually willing to deal with problems instead of someone who is content to watch this bullshit on a daily basis.
Just believing things will get better has done nothing but result in the longest playoff drought in professional sports.
Hey Royals! This Sucks!


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