May 28, 2013

Emil Previews the 2013 Summer Movies Part Two

This is the second post of my summer movie prevue. Part one was back on this post here.

People allways coming up to me asking me "Emil, why you know so much bout movie?" And I say, "My name is Emil which is almost the word Film if you move the letters round some and then the E lost his dong to become a F. Does that answer you question?" And they normally say "Yes, Emil. I trust you with my life now. Let's get us some popcorn." And then we microwave popcorn and watch a movie together and we real good friends after this happens.

What you gone see this summer? What you gone pay for and what you gone steal from the internet? Here's what you can pick from for the next few weeks:

Now You Seen Me (May 31)
This a movie bout a bunch of magician who rob banks and give money to the dumb kids who pay to watch the dumb magic at there shows. I guess they refunding them for wasting there money on dumb magic, but that mean they stealing money from people like me who ain't like magic and don't go to the dumb show. Magic is for dumb kids and not human adults so I hate this movie and I am taking my money out of the banks to protect it from magic.

After Earf (May 31)
Will Smith and his kid staring as Will Smith and his kid in this syfy movie bout the end of the world. They leave earf but come back later and land on a mountain full of animals and aliens that like to kill scientologist. This film directed by M. Nite Shyamalong so you know there gone be a cool twist where evil trees warning people bout pollution or the kid murders the aliens by throwing water on them.


The Google Interns (June 7)
This ain't the sequel to The Wedding Crushers but it does got Ben Vaughn and Owen Wilson in it. They are old now and they want to work for Google but they are to old now. Its funny cuz they acting like they never seen a computer before but they bout my age and I am a famous blogger and twiterer so they should know how to be on Google. I even seen real old ladies getting freaky on webcams now a days and you telling me The Wedding Crushers can't use a webpage? That so funny to me.

The Purrge (June 7)
This look dope as hell. One nite a year Obama and the cops just say screw it and let errbody rob and kill errbody else and don't do nothing to stop it. This sound like a good idea to me but then the movie show a downside to the purge when a rich family gets trap in their house trying not to get rob and kilt. I think if they got a gun they prolly be OK but you never know!

This Here The End (June 12)
Seth Rogan and James Franken and their acting friends got to face the end of the world which means there will be a lot of good and funny killings in this. This look like a bunch of famous folk getting murder by aliens and each other so that seems like a good movie but also pretty gorey. In the trailer, people was cheering in the theatre when Michael Sarah died from a rod through his guts and that was messed up to me because I like him in The Year One as the gay caveman.

The Men of Steel (June 14)
The most lamest and boring superhero of all time is back that's right I'm talking of course bout Super Man. I got exited for this at first because I thought Shaq was coming back as the black Super Man name John Henry the Steel Man but I guess he is retire and loving it like me. So they got a new Super Man in this and I am shock because instead of red underwear he is now wearing blue underwear and I ain't want to see his blue package but there it is.

World World Z (June 21)
Brad Pit works for the UN and the whole wide world is turning into Zombies. By the commericals it don't look that neat though cuz the Zombies ain't showed much, all of them are just a group of CGI people running and falling and climbing and instead the commericals mostly they just showing Brad Pit worry bout the Zombies but I want to see the Zombies eating people and shit. They must be saving that for the movie though,  so I guess they getting my money!

Monsters Inc. Go to Collage (June 21)
In this movie the Monsters Inc. go to collage. This means we will have fun seeing Mike and Scully drank beers, smoke the chronic, bang sorority monsters, and get education. A lot like National Lampoon Van Wild but with the Monsters Inc. instead. Real cute.

In conclusion I will most likely see all of these movies because even the bad ones look like they cost a lot of money to make and famous people in them and also explosions and that means they can't be to bad. What you gone see? Can I come with you? I will brang the popcorn.

Go Movies! Your the Best!

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