June 14, 2013

Drinking like a Batting Champ

Welcome to part two of our first Royals Recipe adventure!
If you missed part one concerning Charley Lau's Hot Milk Cake, check it out here.

Again, inspired by George Brett joining the Royals as hitting coach, we thought we'd make his entry in the 1976 Royals Recipe Cookbook as well. Below is George Brett's bio and the recipe for Brett's "Fine Wine."

Yep, while pretty much everyone else in the cookbook submitted recipes for casseroles, pasta dishes, chicken dinners, and desserts, George Brett submitted a punch bowl full of booze with fruit floating in it.

Can you believe he was still single? WHADDA' CATCH!

But you never know, so we decided to give it a shot. We thought some alcohol might help us choke down more of Charley Lau's Hot Milk Cake, if nothing else.

Here are your ingredients:

You may be wondering how the hell we can fill a punch bowl with that little wine since the recipe calls for a gallon. Well, since it was just my wife and me, we decided to only waste one bottle on this stupid idea. If you would like to ever try this yourself and don't want a punch bowl of this shit taking up room in your fridge, here are the reduced ingredient amounts:

750 mL Burgundy wine (dry)
1.6 oz.  vodka
.8 oz. Vermouth
.8 oz. orange liqueur
1.6 oz. orange juice
2.4 oz. 7-up

You may also be wondering where the orange liqueur is. We were wondering the same thing as we searched the liquor store. Turns out blue curacao, despite looking like window cleaner, is orange liqueur.

These are the things you never learn when you stick to beer and whiskey your whole life.
Thanks, George Brett!

You may also be wondering what the hell Hawkeye Vodka is. The answer is a waste of $7.97.

Fun fact, Hawkeye Vodka, despite sounding like the official booze of the state of Iowa, isn't actually brewed there.

Apparently, Hawkeye is a product of LUXCO, Inc. of St. Louis, MO, makers of everything on the bottom shelf of the aisle: Arrow, Pearl, Azteca, Calvert, and Ezra Brooks. If it's a cheaper version of a good liquor, you know it's a LUXCO.

Here are some pictures of the process:

Looks amazing, doesn't it? We put it in the fridge for a few hours to chill and then we were ready.

We even busted out our nicest glassware for the occasion:


And drank we did.

But, uh, it was not good. As the more seasoned drinker, I handled it much better than my wife. To me, it tasted a lot like jungle juice that you would drink at a party in college, though without the Everclear (also made by LUXCO!).

Here is an excerpt from the conversation my wife and I had after our first sips:

Her: It could be worse.

Me: That's true. It could have turds floating in it.

So that gives you some idea.

Other phrases bandied about as we drank the Sangria were "distressingly bad," "nasty," and "gah!"

My wife decided to add some orange juice to hers and said it tasted much better. I did the same, but it tasted ten times worse to me. Also, it looked ten times more disgusting.

At this point, it tasted like garbage water. Just a collection of seepage found in the bottom of the trashcan at the end of the week.

Soon, my wife dumped hers back into the pitcher and got herself a beer:

And after trying hard to choke the rest of mine down, I finally relented myself:

But apparently the first goblet of juice was enough to do the trick, because soon I was alternating beer, Brett's "Fine Wine," and pulls of Vermouth and Blue Curacao straight from the bottle. I had managed to get myself drunk.

At this point, I began yelling about how we needed to eat more of Charley Lau's Hot Milk Cake. Only I was drunk, so I called it things like "Angel Bread," "Charley Lau's Milk Toast," and "Jizzum Rolls."

Don't judge me.

Especially after you see I did this:

Honestly, I think the combination made both taste better.

Time for Ratings!

My rating:
1/5 while sober
2/5 while drunk

My wife's rating:
5 out of 5 Francoeurs

It was at this point I realized that just like in real life, the more Francoeurs, the worse.

My wife knows her shit.

Hey Ghost of Charley Lau a.k.a. George Brett,
do you have any final comments for our readers?

There it is.

Go Brett's "Fine Wine!" You Helped Me Get Drunk!

1 comment:

  1. You have Hamm's and Olympia goblets! You are my hero!


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