June 24, 2013

Emil's Summer Movie Preview Part III

Hello blog readers! How is your summer going? Mine is going real good. I seen a lot of good movies so far. I also was spelunkering in a cave and saw a bat but the bat ain't seen me cuz he was sleeping! I am use to baseball bats but not the other kind! It was real cute but also I was scarred he might bite me. In real life when you get bit by bats you don't turn into Bat-Man you just die from rabies!

Here is a picture some dude took of me with my new friend the bat!


It is almost July so there are a dickload of new movie we got to talk bout! So I won't waste no more of your time on spelunkering. Let's check out the movies!

The White House is Down (June 28)
Jamie Foxx starring as Barack Obama and Shannon Tatum is the new John McCain from Die Hard and they are now fighting terrorist at the White House. I fell like I just seen this movie a couple month ago call Olympics Has Fallen but Morgan Freeman was Obama. This one should be better cuz Jamie Foxx and Shannon Tatum are more funny and not so serious as Morgan Freeman was. Also, Obama wear Air Jordans in the commerical.


The Heat (June 28)
This look like a funny movie with Sandra Bollock and Sookie from Gilmore Girls being cops who fight with eachother alot. They are like Cagney and Lacy but they say the F-word and throw a kid off a building. The guy who done The Bridemaids also done this so I hope we see someone poop in the street again.


Dispicable Me 2 (July 3)
This the sequel to Dispicable Me 1 which was bout a villian name Groo who try to steal the moon but adopted some kids instead. Now he is a good guy trying to stop a new villian but also trying to keep his daughter from dating a boy. The best part of the movies are the menions which are little twinkies with goggles who talk funny. Real cute.


Kevin Hart Let Him Explain (July 3)
Lil Kev is hilarious and I seen him in real life but now he doing his comedy on a movie screen. He does stand up but also the movie shows him on his tour seeing the world and playing cricket and getting mad cuz his friend shit on the tour bus! Don't take no little kids to see this because he cuss a lot but if they are like 8 or 9 they should be okay to see it and they will laugh there ass off.



The Loan Ranger (July 3)
Westerns like The Loan Ranger is something only real old folk like. They listen to him on the radio and then on tv shows and movies but none of the dumb kids know him. Disney fixing this by making a new movie bout the mask ranger and his sidekick Toronto (Jonny Depp) who is a Indian. The movie look exiting with them shooting guns and blowing up railroads. Some people calling this movie raciest against Indains but most Disney stuff is raciest so big suprise!


The Wayback (July 5)
This look so boring! A kid goes on vacation with his mom and stepdad who he hates. Then he hang out at a water park with some dude and learn about life and he grows up. Instead of seeing this I think I will go to the water park because it's more fun to be in a wave pool or sliding on a slide then to see a movie with people I ain't know doing that. One time I brang in beers in my cooler and got drunk and nobody knows but me!


The Grow Ups 2 (July 12)
Andy Sandler and his friends are back having a fun summer. Last time they peed in the pool and dye made the water turn a color so errbody knew they had peed in the pool. I am still laughing at that. This time they jump off a cliff naked and David Spade goes up into Kevin James butthole on accident! One thing I am real confuse though is the first one had Rob Scheider in it but he's not in this one so maybe he died?


The Specific Rim (July 12)
I want to see this real bad. This movie got gigantic godzillas coming out of the ocean and so a couple dudes dress like storm troppers get inside a gigantic robot suit and they fight the godzillas. Sort of like Go Go Power Rangers but with good special affects and no viking name Rita Repulsor and no dumb kids teaching dumb lessons bout peer pressure! Robots + Monsters = Happy Emil!


MMMMMMMMmmmmmm. Now I want to get some Happy Meal! But don't worry cuz I will come back in a few weeks for more July movies for you!

Go McDonalds! Your the Best!


2 comments:

  1. Rob Schneider is very much alive. However, his career is dead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jack Karwoski9:58 AM

      Fuck you, man! I love Rob Schneider!

      Delete

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