June 13, 2013

Feeding Our Cake Holes

Of all the Royals memorabilia I have (and it's a lot), one of my favorite items is the 1976 Royals Recipes cookbook. I thought it would be fun to start a new series of posts in which we (my wife and I) try to recreate the dishes in the book, then consume them, then share the experience here.

That's right, we're trying to get some foodie/mommy-blog traffic up in this bitch, while also catering to Royals fans. As a bonus, these posts will likely either strengthen or completely destroy my marriage, so that should be fun!

Here's the recipe book:

For our first attempt, we were inspired by George Brett's comments the day he was hired as interim hitting coach. He said, "I'll be Charley Lau's ghost." So we looked up both men's recipes in the book: Lau's entry is for Hot Milk Cake, and Brett's is for "Fine Wine" (Sangria). Seems like an ideal pairing, no?  We'll cover this in two separate posts, so come back tomorrow for the second installment.

We started with Charley's Hot Milk Cake. Here is the recipe:

As you'll notice, there are a lot of two-minute beat sessions.

Here are your ingredients:

We tried to make things a little healthier, so you'll notice some substitutions-- organic eggs, whole wheat white flour, and Delecta (Hy-Vee Splenda).

But no worries, the package says Delecta tastes like sugar!

Here are some boring/disgusting pictures of the process:

To be honest, it looked pretty gross the whole time we were making it. It got all gluey and about destroyed the mixer when the flour was added. Then, as we mixed in the hot milk, vanilla, etc. it took on the consistency and appearance of fresh dog vomit.

We threw it in the oven and 50 minutes later, it looked like this:

It was a bitch to get it out of the tube pan. I'd recommend using a bundt pan or a normal cake pan instead. Of course, you won't get this awesomely stupid flat-tire/giant-donut-looking piece of shit that way:

We let it cool, then cut ourselves a couple of pieces. The first bites weren't what I'd call good. It was similar to homemade shortbread, but a little dry, mildly sweet, and with the odd hot milk flavor popping up and punching you in the tongue randomly.  So we added some strawberries, which helped immensely.

My wife and I each jotted down some thoughts and ratings, then shared them with one another.

My ratings: 
1.5/5 by itself
4/5 with strawberries
2/5 with strawberries & ice cream
(somehow ice cream made it worse... ya got me)

My wife's rating:
3 out of 5 Francoeurs
(she really wrote this, and even spelled the asshole's name right)

Hey Ghost of Charley Lau,
do you have any final comments for our readers?

It sure does, Charley. It sure does.

Don't forget, while baking this recipe my wife and I also made George Brett's version of jungle juice. That means our next recap will involve 100% more drunkenness than today's post.

So come back tomorrow for Part Two, in which we try very hard to drink some of Brett's "Fine Wine."

Go Charley Lau Ghost Cake! You're Okay But Not Great!

1 comment:

  1. That looks like something they'd serve you at Perkins.


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