June 28, 2013

Puff, Puff, Pass

A couple of weeks ago we introduced you to the wacky world of Royals Recipes. Today we have a new one for you, the recipe entry for the founder of the Kansas City Royals, Ewing Marion Kauffman.

It's sad that a lot of current Royals fans weren't around (or were but were too young to be aware of him) when Mr. K was the team's owner. Under him, Kansas City won six division titles, two AL pennants, and one World Series. Since he left this mortal coil, the team has won absolutely nothing. Thankfully, the beautiful stadium named in his honor stands as a lasting legacy to the man, even if the product on the field has ranged from godawful to mediocre over the past twenty-plus years.

Mr. K was a great man, but how was his taste in food? Well, his entry in the 1976 Royals Recipe book is something called "Cheese Puff Ring."

Check it out:

That's right, for today we made something called a Cheese Puff Ring. You know it's classy because the French eat it. This is actually true... they call it gougère, though, which doesn't quite have the same (cheese puff) ring to it.

Here are the ingredients:

 And here are some pretty upsetting pictures of the process:


As you can see, making a Cheese Puff Ring is extremely messy. We thought Charley Lau's Hot Milk Cake batter was sticky, but it didn't even come close to how gluey this shit was. Once again, I feel compelled to describe it as resembling dog vomit.

Mmmmm mmmm puke!

We threw it in the oven for 50 minutes and crossed our fingers it would look edible when it came out.

Here's the result:

Good thing we put those smaller dough mounds on top of the bigger dough mounds. I'd hate to see what they would have looked like without them.

My wife and I each picked up a puff before realizing they were so goddamn greasy. Luckily, we had some napkins lying around.

With some apprehension, we each bit into the puffs.

And were horrified at how gooey they were in the middle. Were they not cooked all the way through? They were really salty and crusty on the outside, but almost liquid inside. Our main takeaway-- they tasted really, really, really unhealthy. Perhaps dangerously so. It wasn't all together unlike eating a stick of butter wrapped in American cheese.

My wife quit after a few small bites, but I tried to power through. I got about three-quarters done with my cheese puff before I had to take a knee. Then a few moments later, I found myself lying on the kitchen floor.

"I feel like I'm sweating out grease," I moaned.

After resting for a few minutes, I pulled myself up and muttered, "Oh, fuck."

The thing is, we both could totally see people eating these. Honestly, they aren't that different from something you'd get at Cracker Barrel, but definitely even less healthy. Cracker Barrel doesn't want your heart to stop or your arteries to harden until after you're out the door. These things.... man.

We still thought they might not be completely done, so we threw them into the oven for another half hour.

And when they came out, the center was even gooier than before.


Time for Ratings!

My Rating:

My Wife's Rating:
3.5 Francoeurs out of 5
(keep in mind the more Francoeurs, the worse)

So we tied!

I think.

Hey Mr. K, do you have any final comments for our readers?


Go Cheese Puff Ring! You Gave Me Chest Pains!



  1. You just need to dip that in some marinara sauce.

    1. I'm thinking being drunk would have helped a lot.

  2. "We thought Charley Lau's Hot Milk Cake batter was sticky..."



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...