July 15, 2013

Emil is Still Previewing the Summer 2013 Movies

Hello movie fans!

I got to tell the truth to you all. I allways get real sad round the all-Star game cuz I should of been a all-Star but all the politics keeping me down. But you know the old saying "Don't worry be happy!" and I believe that. Life is a treasure you can't be taken it for granite!

So the best thing I can do when you crying all the time is to get out my house and see some films. I think movies are a good thing for sad folk like a good exscape from my summertime blues! So if you got depress you should see one of the movies to make you not hate living so much.

Here are the rest of the July movies you got to pick from to make you happy:

The Turbo Snail (July 17)
This movie bout a snail name Turbo (Ryan Reinhold) who wish he was fast and not so slow. He gets mutilated by some nitrus oxide and it make him have super speed. He decides he gone race on a racetrack in the Annapolis 500 and now he got to wish he don't get splatter by a Nascar. Samuel L. Jackson play a black snail. It look real cute.

The Conjourning (July 19)
This movie bout some ghost in the 1970's. A family getting haunted real bad so they call ghost hunter man and woman detectives. The movie make it look like errything normal than BOOYAH a ghost in they face! Then things ok for a minute and nothing seem wrong then BOOYAH a ghost touch them! Then nothing too much going down in this house and then BOOYAH they just got scarred again! It look good if you like to see a movie that make you shit inside your pants.

The R.I.P.D. Blue (July 19)
What happen to cops when they get kill? This movie say they become dead cop angels who got to catch monsters who broke into the world of live people. Jeff Bridges is a cowboy cop and Ryan Reinhold is not a cowboy cop but is still a cop and they are both dead cop angels doing what I talk bout earlier catching monsters. People don't think they are dead cop angels though cuz they look like a hot lady and a old chinese dude cuz they peed in a magic fountain or something and got their body switch on.

The Reds 2: Redder (July 19)
I never seen the first Reds so I got real confuse by this movie. This look like a shitkicking action movie but with a bunch of old folk in it like Anthony Perkins and Helen Mirror. Also there is a ninja and a bunch of Commies fighting but I am pretty sure the Commies all died when the Berlin Wall got tore down so maybe this take place in older times before that happen. This also got Catherine Zeta Jones in it but if you like me you prolly can't stop thinking bout how her vagina gave Mike Douglas throat cankers.

This Girl Most Like (July 19)
This movie bout how Kristin Wig was on Broadway but she lost her mind so she got to move in with her mom and a bunch of dudes on the Jersey Shore. That don't seem that bad but look out cuz then BOOYAH errbody in the house crazier then her! It had a bunch of 80s music and dancing in the commerical so I guess this a movie for all the laddies to go see while the dudes out watching something good.

The Wolverine Goes to Japan (July 26)
The best one from the X-Men movies get's another movie. His last movie was bout his organ but this one is not. This time he go to Japan where a dude try to make him not be a mutant who can get healed but just become a normal hairy guy who got metal claws. If this don't got Wolverine fighting his claws vs. a samurai sward Emil asking for my money back.

The Do-It List (July 26)
This high school girl is gone die so she has a bucket list where she got to jerk off as many guys as she can before she goes to collage. If that sound dirrty just wait cuz she also wants to do even dirtier things to penises. I like sex comedy movies when I was a kid but now I feel real gross when I see them cuz now I am a grown man so these girls need to be acting like laddies why they talking dirty and tonging butts? That's some dude's daughter or his neece.

The Smorfs 2 (July 31)
This movie is bout the little blue guys name the Smorfs. It has a number 2 on the title cuz it is the second movie bout these Smorfs. They living the good life in a little village having a good day but look out because BOOYAH there is new white Smorfs in this one only they call them Knottys and not Smorfs and they are assholes. A bald buckteeth man name Garglemel want to kill errbody but he keep falling off buildings and then his cat laugh at him. It look real cute.

That's it for now! Just seeing all the good movies coming round make me cheered up some and I hope you found out which of these you will like and make you happy also. There gone be way more movies coming out in August and I will come back soon and tell you what them movies are and errything gone be allright.

Go Summer Movies! You the Bets!


  1. All Smorfs are Dorfs but not all Dorfs are Smorfs, right Emil?

    1. Hi Andy thank you for your question. Yes Smorfs are Dorfs but there is also Leperchauns, Elfs, Trolls, Boglins, and just normal regular Dorfs also. I like the Elfs the most cuz they make toys for the children.

  2. Anonymous1:49 PM

    Emil, your spelling seems to be getting worse.

    1. Sometimes I forgot to run the spellchecker. I am sorry for the mistake.


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