September 17, 2013

A Dog in the Manager

Hey gang! School's back in session and you know what that means: kids everywhere are being forced to *gasp* read something other than their Twitter feed. Fortunately, the internet is here to help us cheat our way through the assignment. It's time once again for another Royals book report with this edition of Snarknotes!

Let's see what's on the old reading list this semester...

Ah yes, it's a classic piece of literature, the 630-page epic yarn
Yostromo, A Tale of the C-Word:

Here are some choice quotes from the dust jacket:

"I think Ned's done a terrific job." 
-- Dayton Moore, Royals General Manager

"We never lost respect for him." 
-- Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewer/PED User/Known Liar

"This team has a Yost Infection." 
-- @RoyalesWCheese, Some Jackass on Twitter

Plot Overview:
The novel is set in the fictional country of Kayceetaguana, a war-torn land of intense corruption that's chief export is burnt ends. During many years of darkness, political strife, and two separate Yuniesky Betancourt tenures, Señor Moore, the GM of the local ballclub, entrusts Yostromo to lead his team back to relevance. It's a thankless task, though Yostromo finally coaches the team to its first competitive season in decades. However, this proves to be his undoing. While revolutionaries had been calling for the head of Señor Moore, they now go after Yostromo. Feeling taken for granted and with no contract extension in sight, Yostromo finally gives into corruption, purposely throwing ballgames by pinch hitting a player who can't hit, allowing a pitcher to go eight innings despite giving up twelve hits, and encouraging his players to attempt steals with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning. Following a winning yet disappointing year, Yostromo loses his job and Señor Moore replaces him with Joey "Ojos Saltones" Cora, plunging the team and Kayceetaguana forever into darkness.

Recurring Themes/Motifs:
Dubya Face
Third-Baseman Trees
Deer Hunting
The "Win" stat
Ever-changing Lineups

Critical Analysis:
I read 620 pages and all I got was this 9th place finish?

Popular Adaptations:
  • Mission Impossible: Yost Protocol. Dir. Brad Bird. Perf. Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, and Simon Pegg. Paramount Pictures, 21 Dec. 2011. Film.
  • "Monroestromo." Episode #56. Too Close For Comfort. Dir. Russ Petranto. Perf. Ted Knight, Jim J. Bullock, and Deborah Van Valkenburgh.14 April 1984. Television.
  • Fun. "We Are Yost." Some Nights. Elektra Records, 20 Sept. 2011. Mp3.

Suggestions for Further Reading:
 David Howard's End
The Call of the Wild Pitch
Juan Gone Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
The Pinch Hitter's Guide to the Galaxy
The Worm Scott Boras
The Turn of the Grounds Crew
The World According to Garth Brooks
Farenheit .151 Average

That's it for this edition of Snarknotes! God willing, things will turn out better these last two weeks than they did in the book.

Go Ned! Stop Listening To Your Gut!


  1. Anonymous9:28 PM

    THANK YOU! Finally, I see someone mentioning that Yost is almost a dead-ringer for Dubya by the time the postgame rolls around most games. This needs to be an article in of itself, it's uncanny.

    1. Anonymous, we've got you covered! We did a post that pretty much covered that last September. Check it out:


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