The Royals are unstoppable. The Royals are invincible. The Royals are the greatest six-games-above-five-hundred-on-September-5th-team that I've seen in decades. The Royals, guys. The Royals.
They just took it to the Seattle Mariners. Four goddamn games in a row. They stuck it in and broke it off. It was something to behold. They lost one of them, but who cares?
These ain't your slightly older brother's Royals, either. These are Royals that weren't even Royals a month or two ago.
Forget the name Jeff Francoeur, baby. We're talking Justin Maxwell.
Elliot Johnson? No sir! Now we've got Emilio Motorboatin' Bonifacio.
Wade Davis to the pen. Danny Duffy for the win.
Shitty Mike Moustakas is gone. Unshitty Mike Moustakas is hanging dong.
I'm happy, I'm merry, I'm a rhyming dictionary.
Add in Louis Coleman, Pedro Ciriaco, Donnie Joseph, Brett Hayes, Carlos Pena.
It seems unreal.
This is what an expanded roster looks like.
I'd honestly forgotten.
The Royals are in a playoff push.
A PLAYOFF PUSH.
THEY ARE TRYING (SERIOUSLY TRYING) TO WIN EVERY GAME.
It's bananas, yo.
I still don't think they will make the playoffs. I'm not good at math, but I know when the number of games shrinks but the difference in winning percentage of the Royals and the teams in front of them doesn't change much that it's pretty unlikely they'll make the playoffs.
But they keep pushing.
And that's something we haven't been able to say for years.
Maybe half the American League will collapse over the next three weeks.
KC has six games with Cleveland and six with Detroit over the next two weeks. Should be fun.
Or horribly deflating.
BUT LET'S LIVE IN THE NOW. LET'S FORGET SYRIA, FORGET MILEY CYRUS, FORGET THE ALAMO, FORGET ALL THE OTHER TEAMS AHEAD OF US, AND FOCUS ON THE ROYALS.
We salute you, six-games-above-five-hundred-on-September-5th Kansas City Royals. You truly are kings among men. Or, at least, kings among Royals teams of recent vintage.
Here's your Mariners sweep graphic, even though it wasn't a sweep.
You deserve it.
Popeye will be crying in his Nu-Joe Special tonight.
Go Royals! Keep Being Relevant!