It is with heavy hearts that we write to you today. At 7:00 PM on Saturday, June 29, Bob Dutton of the Kansas City Star tweeted that Jeff Francoeur had been designated for assignment by the Royals. This means his life hangs in the balance for up to ten days. During that time, Francoeur might be traded, placed on waivers, or simply released. It isn't shaping up to be a very pleasant 4th of July for him, but let's hope that by Bastille Day, Monsieur Frenchy will be in a better place.
It's been widely reported that Francoeur is the nicest man in the history of the world. He gives fans pizza and $100 bills. He gives his time and money to charity. He gives anyone with a set of testicles a nut tap.
Hell, he makes Tom Hanks look like Mephistopheles.
And those crazy eyes! And that toothy smile! How can anyone not like Frenchy?
Unfortunately, his niceness hasn't translated to much success as a ballplayer. He's not bad hitting against lefties and he can throw a ball from right field to third base or home quicker than most, but otherwise, he's not worth the money Dayton Moore has given him.
In fact, Jeff Francoeur has been very, very bad at baseball for a lot of his career, and downright terrible the last year and a half.
So why are we sad he's being DFAed? Because, quite frankly, he's given us tons and tons of material. Like roughly a third of our content in the last sixteen months. His downward spiral has coincided with the rebirth of this website. Just check out the posts tagged Jeff Francoeur if you don't believe me.
Now, we normally do something here when bad players, coaches, or front office guys are let go. It's a very subtle, almost artistic depiction of the man's head in a toilet and the word "SHITCANNED" written in 48-point Impact Font.
But we can't do that to Jeff Francoeur. Because even though we've cursed his name in nearly every game he's appeared in as a Royal over the last two years, we do like him and we will miss him.
So, instead of SHITCANNING him, we've instead created this loving tribute to the man.
Au revoir, Frenchy.
I hope you had some tissues nearby for that.
Go Johnny Giavotella! We're Sorry This Organization is Run By Idiots!