May 29, 2014

More Movies for Your Summer

What's up! The Royals suck real hard so you Royals fans better start paying attention to the movies instead of the Royals. They can't hit home runs or even a double and they score less then Urkel the nerd who's friend Laura would not let him make it with her. Thank God it is the summer now so there are so many good movies to go see instead of watching the Royals loose to all the teams this summer.

What you seen so far? I allready seen Godzilla and the X-Men and Spiderman and they was all great.

Even though I am a huge Adam Sandler fan I ain't seen Blended cuz I decide to boycutt it when I found out they go to the Surf City Resort and Casino in South Africa cuz I support the human rights. Even though it looks real funny that was a real dark time in history so I will just rent Blended instead.

But that's ok there are tons more movies coming out in the next few week and I got your ass cover on what you better watch! What you want to see? I want to see lots of them.

For fun let's do a game first! Here is a funny fake picture for a movie coming out can you guess which one:

Did you guess right or did you get that wrong? The movie was the first movie I will preview for you today!

Disney Malifcent (May 30)
Angelina Jolene playing a real sexy goth woman name Malifcent. She the cartoon villian from Sleeping Beauty but now she is a real woman who was a good girl but then the movie all bout how she turn to a bad girl in hot leathers. This story sounds like a sexy ass Darth Vader and that sounds real hot to me.

One Million Ways to Die in a Western (May 30)
The guy who made up Family Guy is in a western movie with my girl Charlene Theron. This got lots of violent deaths in it but they are done for comedy reasons so you should laugh when the cowboys got murdered. Since this is from the Family Guy you know there will also be jokes on farting and pooping and jokes bout sex so only bring your kids if they like Family Guy.

The Edge of Tomarrow (June 6)
Tom Cruise play a soldier who go to war and he gets kill but then BOOYAH it turn out this war happen on Groundhogs Day and he come back to life over and over just to get kill over and over. So what he got to do? He got to be like Bill Murry. Remember when Bill Murry learn to play piano and drunk sweet vermouth on the rocks with a twist and save a kid who fall out of a tree and make the lady love him? Tom Cruise got to do the same thing but he learn how to be a good soldier every day before he die so finally one day he can not get kill but win the war and bang Emily Blunt.

The Fall in Your Stairs (June 6)
This a romance movie for the girls and the laddies. It's bout a girl name Hazel who got cancer and has tubes up in her nose. A guy who use to have cancer likes her and keeps macking on her even though she don't want in a relationship cuz she got this cancer but he finally worn her down and they fall in love and throw bricks at a car and even make it with eachother. This looks real cute, but don't forget she got cancer so this may not end up in a happy ending.

How to Train Your Dragons in 3D (June 13)
I love this first one of this movie where they got all these real cute dragons who look like cats. Now this the second one and the Viking kid Hiccup meet his Viking mom and she teach him more neat things to do on the dragons. Then a evil Viking with dreads show up and he also got evil dragons so the good Vikings and the good dragons got to fight the evil Viking and the evil dragons so this getting me real confuse but I want to see the cute dragons so I will be seeing this one.

21 Jump Street 2 (June 13)
Jonas Hill and Shannon Tatum are back on Jump Street. The first movie they went to high school and this time they going to collage. Somebody dealing drugs at the collage so the guys got to try out for football and get attack by a squid and get into a car chase. I think the first one was pretty funny not amazing but good but this second movie look like the same movie so I'm not so sure this seem like paying to see a rerun.

All The Cheerleader Die (June 13)
Okay this one look real crazy. Some hot cheerleader girls get runned off the road by some football team and all the cheerleader die. But look out cuz BOOYAH this other girl brang them back to life with magic potion and now these cheerleader back from the dead and they gone kill the football team who kill them first. This look like a good one to sneak beers into the theaters to watch the blood and guts and violents and maybe also some football?

That's all the movie for now! What you gone see? If you ain't like these don't worry there are more and I will come back in a couple week to talk bout the movies that come out after this.

I will see you at the midnite show of Maleficit!

Go Movies! Your the Best!

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