June 30, 2014

Hunk of Hudler? Yes, Please!

Hello, ladies!

The first Majestic Makeover was such a smashing success, I decided to tackle someone a little more challenging. Today we’re going to give one of the Royals’ announcers, Wonderdog Rex Hudler, a new look. (It’s a beautiful thing!) With a little grooming, any mangy mongrel can be transformed into a polished, pampered pooch!

Here’s what we’re starting with:
Our Wonderhound Hud bubbles over with unbridled enthusiasm about his beloved baseball. This passion, which is a top priority on his plate (home plate!), obviously has taken priority over primping and preening. Rex’s complexion has borne the brunt of years of exposure to the elements. Years of scanning the field with his alert eagle eyes has left him with some fairly significant creasing on his brow and forehead. His hairstyle is outdated, his nails are dull and rough, and don’t even get me started on that hot mess sparkling on his ring finger. (The bling is burning our eyes, Wonderhud!)

So, let’s get to work!

Remember, the higher the SPF, the higher the SSF (Sexy Skin Factor)!Our ruddy Rex has committed the ultimate complexion sin: sun exposure. His naturally red-toned complexion looks parched, and the delicate skin on his neck is crying out for some serious TLC. (Hud may not be a scrub, but we don’t want none of his time without skin intervention, am I right, ladies?) Poikiloderma is a fancy name for sun-damaged neck skin, and it hits people with fair complexions the hardest. The fragile décolletage can’t handle season after season of brutal UV rays. (The epidermis isn’t thick-skinned, and consuming bugs won’t give you exoskeleton power, Rex!) Lasers help, but at home, our Wonderhunk Hud can smooth the skin’s appearance somewhat with regular exfoliation, avoidance of colognes and scented soaps, and a powerful SPF sunscreen. And as we discussed when we made over that hottie Hosmer, Rex needs to follow a strict skin-care regimen formulated for mature skin—more moisture, please! (And no, a cooler full of Gatorade dumped on the head doesn’t count!)

Just don’t wear them out during daylight hours—don’t want to risk THOSE tan lines!While we’re on the subject of the Wonderdog’s damaged dermis, let’s smooth those brow creases. Solutions for wrinkled foreheads abound, and include nifty little hacks like line-plumping creams, botox, and wrinkle filler. (In man speak, wrinkle filler is like spackle for your face! Just don’t apply it with a putty knife!) My personal suggestion for Rex is Frownies, a facial patch system that diminishes wrinkles overnight by relaxing muscle memory. (Don’t worry, Rex’s swoon-worthy arm muscles won’t be affected!) By using Frownies religiously, the creases will miraculously soften over time. Hallelujah! 

 No one ever said Rex the Wonderdog is a bloodhound, 
so let’s ditch the doggone wrinkles!

There are lots of options for the modern, style-savvy stud!
Now let’s address our gentleman’s ginger locks. Rex’s outdated ‘do disguises the most beautiful feature of his locks. Instead of fighting against the natural curl, make the most of it with special hair products formulated for ringlets. Hudler is an ideal candidate for a textured cut, which is designed to work with the natural characteristics of his hair. Also, boys: product, product, product! Gels, pomades, creams—they all work with your waves to provide moisture and definition. 

Oh, Doogie!Rex’s cut is so outdated it reminds me of a certain spunky teenage doctor from the late ‘80s: Doogie Howser, M.D.! I suggest Hud follow Mr. Neil Patrick Harris’s lead in terms of modernizing his voluminous waves. Rex would have to make a serious commitment to correct that receding hairline, but it would be possible. Highlights would freshen the look further (besides, shouldn’t our color commentary guy live up to his title?!). Darkening the brows a bit would bring more definition to our fox’s facial features. (Don’t be afraid of a brow pencil, fellas—they’re designed to make those piercing peepers pop!)

Finally, let’s talk about that massive hunk of metal on the Wonderdog’s ring finger.  I had to do a little Googling to figure out why our commentating cutie wears that ring. Apparently, it’s from Rex’s broadcaster days with the Angels, who won the World Series in 2002. I’m no sports psychology expert, but doesn’t it seem like wearing that ring while working for a new team reveals some loyalty issues? (Just imagine if your new man was still sporting the wedding ring from his previous marriage—it wouldn’t fly, right?) Hud needs to put away that distracting reminder of relationships past, because he’s fallen deep into a new romantic entanglement with the Royals. Not to mention, that ring is just too much. Wonderdog may not be known for his subtlety, but when it comes to male accessories: less is more.

Because Rex is always holding that baseball (I try to think of it as a sexy security blanket), eyes will naturally be landing on his hands and those unkempt nails. Guys, it’s time to wake up: manicures aren’t just for girls! (After all, it IS called a MAN-icure!) If the thought of getting those nails polished publicly is too much for your masculine pride, at least invest in some tools to do the job at home. (Your nail care kit should not be comprised solely of the old pair of nail clippers you swiped from your parents when you moved out!) Take a little pride in the finer aspects of your appearance. Trust me, ladies notice (and appreciate!) the guy with an eye for details.

So, let’s take a look at the final result of our second Majestic Makeover!

Be still, my beating heart! What a transformation! Rex may be a man of a certain age, but who says old dogs can’t learn new tricks? Especially when that dog is none other than our winsome Wonderhud! All the honeys are going to be howling when they see our new and improved handsome hound!

I’d play a rousing game of fetch with this tail-wagger any time!


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