June 2, 2014

Royales with Cheese Soup

Hey gang! It's time once again for a Royals Recipe! Last season, we had a lot of fun making several recipes from the 1976 Royals Cookbook. As you may recall, stuff we thought we would hate, like Cabbage Casserole and Nu-Joe Special, were actually pretty good. Stuff we thought we would like, such as Banana Pudding and various mixed drinks, were mostly disgusting. 

We'll likely delve back into the '76 cookbook this season, but I recently managed to acquire a NEW (read as "four years newer") Royals cookbook. 

That's right, the 1980 World Series Edition of Royals Recipes:

This edition is one hundred pages longer than the 1976 cookbook, so hopefully we'll find a better ratio of edible-to-non-edible dishes this time. "World Series - Style," baby!

Our first recipe from the 1980 book is from George Brett's older brother Ken. Ken Brett, you may or may not know, was a pretty hot prospect in his day. He was the fourth overall pick in the 1966 draft, and in 1967, after just turning 19 years old, he pitched for the Red Sox in the World Series, giving up no runs in 1 1/3 innings. Though the Cardinals won the Series that year, Ken Brett looked like a future star. In fact, some even called him "the next Lefty Grove."

Of course, it was not to be. Ken Brett realized this, saying, "The worst curse in life is unlimited potential." An arm injury derailed his 1968 season, and he would end up a journeyman, playing for ten teams in his fourteen-year career. Despite some pitching highlights (a couple of near no-hitters and being the winning pitcher in his lone All-Star appearance in 1974), Ken was better known for playing for a lot of teams, giving up Hank Aaron's 700th home run, and being a good hitter himself. 

He'd played centerfield in high school and, based on his ability to swing the bat, probably should have stayed there as a pro. Indeed, if any team other than the Red Sox had drafted him, he likely would have had a great career in the outfield. In 1973, he hit home runs in four consecutive starts, something never done by another pitcher. Unfortunately, he found himself playing mostly for AL teams after the inception of the DH rule, and he rarely was able to bat in the last five years of his career.

He joined the Royals in August of 1980 when his brother George was chasing .400 and the Royals were chasing their first World Series berth. He retired after the 1981 season, with career stats of an 83-85 record, a 3.93 ERA, 51 complete games on the pitching side, and a .262 average with 18 doubles, 10 homers, and 44 RBI on the hitting side. 

Unfortunately in 2003, Ken Brett died of brain cancer, the same illness that took other Royals greats Dan Quisenberry and Dick Howser.

So that's depressing. 

But I know what will cheer us up...

How about we drown our sorrows in a big bowl of Ken Brett's Cheese Soup!

 Cheese? Beer? Croutons? A note about needing to drink copious amounts of water after eating? 

Sign me up!

Here are your ingredients:

We had all of this stuff, minus the Worcestershire Sauce, which we had to buy. Neither my wife nor I remember ever eating the stuff before. Though I know it's a key ingredient in the BOLD variety of Chex Mix, I've never had it in any other situation.

Since we'd never had a bottle of the stuff before, we checked out the Nutrition Facts and Ingredients, and we were lucky we did:

Anchovies? Ugh.

Not only is that gross, anchovies are something my wife can't eat because she has a seafood allergy. So unless I wanted to stab her in the heart with an EpiPen, we were going to have to improvise. 

I started to Google "how to make your own Worcestershire sauce," but got sidetracked very quickly exploring the auto-complete links:

After learning how to make my boobs bigger and my voice deeper, I finally found a page that gave some non-fish substitutions for Worcestershire sauce, and we were off and running.

Here are some nauseating photographs of the cooking process:

Looks delicious, no? Kind of like nacho cheese dip, except it took over four hours to make and smelled of burnt cheese and onions (maybe we should have used Cream of Celery?).

After the chunks melted in better, we dished up a couple of bowls and tossed in a few  croutons:

We each took a bite, and then grunted and made crazy faces.

There was just an overwhelming taste of salt with an aftertaste of salty onion. 

Ken Brett's Cheese Soup may be the most disgusting Royals Recipe we've ever made.

  Here is the discussion that took place while we tried to eat this shit:

"I feel sick."

"How is THIS soup?"

"What a waste of croutons, electricity, cheese, and time."

"I'm sweating. Feel my pits. This shit is making me sweat."

And so on.


Wife: 0/5

Me: 1/5

However, making this recipe wasn't a total loss. We did create the greatest game ever while we were slicing up the blocks of cheese.

I now give you, and the world, Cheese Jenga:

Loser has to reset the stack and eat a cheese cuboid! 

I do recommend keeping a big glass of water by your bed after playing Cheese Jenga,
'cuz it tends to make you VERY thirsty!

Go Royals Recipes! You're the Best!

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