July 29, 2014

Still Keeping Up With The Jones Store (and the Wild Card?)

After a brutal series with the Red Sox following the All-Star Break, the Royals seem to have pulled their heads out of their asses and taken series against division rivals Chicago and Cleveland. They close out July with a three-game set at home against Minnesota. Will they keep winning? Will they leapfrog three teams and stave off the three teams barely behind them to get their first playoff bid in twenty-nine years?

My guess is the next three games go well, the Royals appear on the verge of taking over a wild card spot, then proceed to shit the bed the first two weeks of August, relegating them to playing catch-up the rest of the way.

Why do I say that?

They have seven games with the A's in those first two weeks of August. That's the best-team-in-all-of-baseball Oakland Athletics. They've managed to avoid them all season, but that's about to end. We'll be seeing Rex Hudler riding a donkey in a matter of days, and there's nothing we can do about it.

The Royals have a relatively easy final six weeks after that, with a lot of match-ups against teams with lesser records like the Rockies, Twins, Indians, White Sox, and Rangers, so they will probably still be in it fairly late in the year. However, barring a total collapse by the Tigers (the Royals do have six contests left with them), and implosions by Toronto (nah), New York (maybe), Seattle (hmmm), Cleveland (eh), Chicago (likely), and the surging Rays (yikes), the Royals aren't making the playoffs.

It's also fairly likely at least one of those teams above makes a big splash in the next two days and acquires someone that helps it rise to the top. I doubt that team will be the Royals.

Anyway, you don't come to this website for baseball analysis. At least, I hope you don't. Let's get to the good stuff, like Jones Store ads featuring awkwardly posed children wearing sideways baseball caps and acid-wash jean shorts.

If you missed the last batch of these covering 1983-1986, here they are. Then come back and check out the following ads from 1987-1991. Remember to click on them to get an uncomfortably close view of late-80s/early 90s fashion.






Go Zubaz Shorts and "Joe Cool" Snoopy Tees! You're the Best!

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