Hey all you movie fans! I am sorry I ain't stop by to talk to you bout the movies that come out the last few weeks. I was on my summer vacation to the Florida beaches!
I walk on the shore and I fed some seagull some Doritos and I ate lots of good fishfood and I got my swerve on at some of the hottest clubs in Pompano. I also drunk some Everclear from a big pinecone that they give me at my hotel which was pretty baller.
I also went into a Gater park and saw a crocodile jump out the water up into the sky to eat a chicken that some guy thrown in the air for it! Then next I went down into the Keys which are bridges cross some islands down at the bottom of Florida and they had good bars and hot chicks in binkinis and I was 90 minutes from Cuba which is full of Commies.
But then I realize I forgot to tell you bout all the good movie that come out the last couple weeks and now summer is over so that means some real bad movie coming out soon but football starting so its all good! I will tell you what you miss and what is coming out before the end of the summer but I am real sorry!
Into the Store (August 8)
This was a movie bout some dudes who go running after the bad weather and get swallow up by tornados and hail. I like some storm movies like The Twister with the flying cow and The Perfect Storm when Mark Wallberg got killed by a wave. This might be good but I ain't seen it so maybe when its on FX I will watch this!
Step Up All Into The Streets (August 8)
The teenagers from the Step Up movie are now all in other movies like Shannon Tatum is in 21 Jump Street or they are now not doing any movies cuz they can only dance good but not act good. This one is the new Step Up movie with new teenager who dance in the streets but it was a big old flop so forget this movie!
Teenager Mutant Ninja Turtle (August 8)
Now these some cool teenager cuz they are also big old green reptile monsters who live in the sewer and do karate with swards and numbchucks. This is one of the greatest ninja turtle moves ever and you should see this if you like seeing green freaks of nature doing some shitkicking!
Let's Be Some Cops (August 13)
Two of the New Girl's husbands decide to steal a cop car and some cop uniform and then they act like fake cops who get drunk and smoke some chronic and party but also try to stop some crimes. This a funny movie bout dressing up and being someone you ain't.
The Expandables 3 (August 15)
Sly Stone and all the other old action hero dudes from the 1980 movies go on a new mission that is real boring like the last two times and I seen this one and I wanted my money back from this so don't see this unless you like old guys on dumb missions and don't like to use your money on the good movies.
Sin City A Dame to Kill 4 (August 22)
Sin City was a cool movie that come out forever ago with a lot of violent killings and bloody fights and it look like a black and white comic strip with tits! This is the sequel so you can bet the killings and tits is bloodier and bigger then ever before but still in black and white so that kind of sucks!
If I Have To Stay (August 22)
A girl got in a car wreck and she is in the hospital in a comma and she has all the crazy dreams and memory and she might even meet God in this movie! So she got to decided to let her self die or do she want to come back to life and wake up from the comma? If it was me I would wake up cuz YOLO!
When the Game Staind Tall (August 22)
This is a football movie of some kids playing football at the De La Soul school and the Jesus from The Passion of the Christ movie is coaching these kids. Well this coach is real good at winning and he don't loose for years and his kids don't loose for years! In real life most kids are loosers at sports and still get the trophy but this movie says you don't deserve the trophy unless you win which is a good massage!
The November Man (August 27)
James Bond is back and he is a hit man who is call the November Man cuz when he come to town all the people die like all the trees and grass and flowers die in the month of November! So it's a baller nickname for a murderer that also makes a good joke bout how seasonings change!
So those the movies for the rest of August. What did you see? What you gone see? After this is Labor Day and September and school and football so that's all there is for this summer so it's over! Good bye, Summer! We will miss you!
Go Movies! Your the Best!