Hello Sports Fans!
It’s World Series week! The Royals are not in the World Series this year. That is okay. The Royals were not even in the playoffs this year. That is okay, too. In an alternate universe, the Royals lost the Wild Card game to the Blue Jays because Ned Yost refused to bring Wade Davis into a tie game. Be thankful that we didn’t have to see that.
As you know, the Indians and Cubs, the two teams with the longest World Series droughts, are set to begin the Fall Classic tonight. As you also know, these two franchises are closely tied in America’s mind to the fictional rosters bearing their marks in the baseball films Major League (a good movie) and Rookie of the Year (a bad movie).
You’ve likely already seen these references polluting your social media streams. This is only the beginning. Badly butchered Major League lines were already some of the most commonly uttered phrases at office coolers and in beer league softball dugouts everywhere. During the course of the next week, no public place will be safe from someone, for no reason, asking if you are indeed suggesting that Jesus Christ cannot hit a curve ball. There will be uproarious laughter. Hahahaha. I’ve seen that movie! I get jokes! You, the loyal RWC reader, will of course feign a chuckle and roll your eyes.
While the Royals unfortunately don’t have a movie dedicated to their brand, you can take comfort in the fact that they have had their share of memorable moments on the silver screen. And here they are, in no particular order:
The Scene: A hapless Royals player runs straight into fat bastard Angels catcher Triscuitt Messmer (lol wut?), gets knocked down, tries to get up, gets bonked on the head, falls down again.
The Best Line From The Movie: “Hemmerling for Mitchell?! Go Back to Cincinnati!”
The Scene: An actor playing Jason Grimsley prepares to deliver the meatball that Scott Hatteberg launches over the fence for the Oakland A’s 20th consecutive victory.
The Best Line From The Movie: “If you lose the last game of the season, nobody gives a shit.”
The Movie: Major League (1989)
The Scene: Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughan blows a heater by some Kevin Seitzer looking dude in glorious powder blue.
The Best Line From The Movie: “Want me to drag him outside, kick the shit out of him?”
The Scene: Jor-El visits Earth to inform Superman he’s ineligible to compete in the World Baseball Classic.
The Best Line From The Movie: “The ship appears to have inserted itself into a lunar synchronous orbit.”
The Scene: Wally Joyner fraternizes with Minnesota Twins first baseman Lou Collins after a single to right.
The Best Line From The Movie: “It's a scientific fact that a pig becomes a hog at 180 pounds.”
There they are, everyone.
Did we miss any?
Enjoy the World Series.
Go Royals! You’re Still The Champs!